The guiding phrase I learned being a journalist and features editor in school -- write something fresh and interesting. Well today, I could write about how my steady and blooming love life has gone (that's probably interesting) but it ain't fresh.
So let me tell you of something that could scare the hell out of you -- the place where I exactly type this blog down through my MS word -- The Mystique Qualfon Training rooms.
I am alone in this room right now, and I'm hoping nothing happens while I type this down. I felt a little uncomfortable, but I want to let it be...
It was only the last day of training that a trainee of mine told me of her story. Since then she has seen unexplainable people everywhere. According to the mentor in the class who knew her very well, during HS years, this girl has struggled to be stronger when she sees through her bare eyes some extra-ordinary people that seem to live among us.
Months before talking to this girl, silhouettes of images seen from our video cameras have been seen in our training rooms and these have taken us aback -- in a scary way. We hear big and heavy steps in our ceiling that most times resonates all over the room - even when nobody in the production floor does. I wrote something in the board, and later on discovered.. it was gone and no trainee could do it coz my eyes are all with them.
Things that are so peculiar and this time is special because I had to talk to someone who really can see it.
It was easy to not believe someone telling you she can see "them". It's so easy; most especially if you find them really weird and loner-acting, mediocre and those who seem to have personality or esteem problems. These people, i believe are more susceptible to acting and "making-believes".
But this trainee is different, I could sense her wit and personality - someone down-to-earth, and she's never the loner type. I could see sincerity in her eyes. And there I go, listening to her while saying "I saw her beside you when you were discussing before we took a break.." -- and that freaked me out!
As our questioning came even more detailed we asked her if she can see anybody inside the training room at the moment. She looked around and said yes. Casually, we talked of her description and my hair got lifted even more. Stories came flooding in, and it made me believe that they indeed, exists.
Whatever it is, I know they are here for a reason; perhaps they are here to guide or to simply make us "believe" that paranormal exists. Even when right now, I feel my hair raise; I wanna try to believe it is. Because human as I am, sometimes, we fancy over stories as such.
I still think it's nice if they make a little noise here and now. Scary.
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Sunday, September 4, 2011
I am Home
A gazillion number of events have turned my love-life upside down. This has happened many times. More often, i turn three-hundred-sixty degrees from one unfaithful chapter to another, yet I still have stood standing, and still smiling. Have I grown tired? Certainly, not.
Recovery to another recovery, and yet my heart never tires all of it. Until then, i realize that second chances eventually lead to happy endings. And now, I made a stop again.
My friends have been sooo tired hearing this line from me: "This is it na gyud". Yet they have never seen that my relationships work well. They often think I was the factor of the failure - I immediately repel! I just say, that life is just like that. It's a matter of "free tasting" and constantly checking of compatibility. If one fails, then let the next searching begin.
Now that I have turn a month to this current relatonship now, let me cross my fingers. I honestly say that in most times I have lost my trust to the words "lasting relationships" because it were never true to me. Yet this time, I am just placing my hopes above me, hoping that this will work eventually.
The wit, the strong personality, the appeal, and the incessant dreaming and working for is what I love most to this new one. Not to mention being so visionary, and the skill to make every person say YES. Just my ideal.
I believe i have found what i was looking for - I found my HOME to this new found love. Yet at this time, I'd rather not be too jubilant and confident now that I've learned my life's greatest lesson - Wag magsasalita nang patapos -- not until time will tell you that this finally is HOME.
Right now, I could not ask for more. I am happy, and let me just pray that this is finally it.
Right now, I could not ask for more. I am happy, and let me just pray that this is finally it.
Thursday, July 21, 2011
Before I Turn Twenty-two
Twenty-two – It seems haunting to see the digits. I am indeed growing older. There is no stopping now.
22 is such a big deal. I have long been waiting for the year to finally tell my self that I am old. But before I leave the skin of my 21 years behind, let me say what I need to say to the people who have affected my life big time.
1. The Droppers (Those who broke my heart): Sorry. If you ask me why, well, you must have already known. I’ve told you enough of what my heart should say. Let me say my evil laugh: Ha-Ha-Ha.
2. The Dropped (Those whose hearts I have broken unintentionally, to be safe): I have told you enough as well. Please understand.
3. The Buds (Those bestfriends who taught me the feeling of “living a life”): I will look forward to spending with you an overnight in a cozy resort, all of us go wild, going really gaga about stories about love and life; endless fun, endless youth, endless friendships.
4. The Publication People: I will go wherever you go – dive on a cliff, check on some really extreme sports, and just like last time, be blown away by the waters in the middle of the city, crying “help”! And later, be saved by our famous, “Bhoy the Mascott”.
5. The Training Team: You colored my work-life, most times, yellow. You get me going, sweating, smiling, sometimes, annoyed. All emotions in. Thank you for showing letting me know that indeed, life is too diverse.
6. My Fam Bam: If given the chance, I would love to bring back time and take the hours I have spent sleeping lazily to be spent with you. I will miss you by the time my plans get fulfilled. No one else compares your love for me.
7. Myself: A sun so bright shines above you. Appreciate the littlest things the Mighty One gave you, and let the life loose freely. Endless possibility is in store. Yes, it is. Celebrate. Life is in session, but God is in maneuver.
8. Special Someone: You are always in my thoughts. Thanks for the time we shared. God has plans for us. Plans for something big, or even bigger than what we imagine. I love you.
8. Special Someone: You are always in my thoughts. Thanks for the time we shared. God has plans for us. Plans for something big, or even bigger than what we imagine. I love you.
Friday, May 20, 2011
On Being (not) Alone
The past few days, there have been several times I thought to myself: I am such a pitiful young guy, who goes to work, then sleeps, and eventually wakes up alone in his pad, thinking of where to go, and drive to a distant coffee shop or restaurant, and make the most out of his afternoon either facebooking, or eating while wondering - "When will this loner mode end?"
Just exactly now, I am in the middle of people talking and laughing around while I am right here in a silent corner, sipping coffee. I am with my bestfriend, I call him "Super Junior", the powerful Vaio... a consolation to my lonely afternoon.
It's kind of hard to be alone. I've been texting friends to come along with me but they're either sleeping or broke, tired or busy. But that's no big deal. Because I know, I am NEVER ALONE.
Just exactly now, I am in the middle of people talking and laughing around while I am right here in a silent corner, sipping coffee. I am with my bestfriend, I call him "Super Junior", the powerful Vaio... a consolation to my lonely afternoon.
It's kind of hard to be alone. I've been texting friends to come along with me but they're either sleeping or broke, tired or busy. But that's no big deal. Because I know, I am NEVER ALONE.
Afternoons alone @Bo's coffee. 05.20.2011
While I'm alone, I think of distant memories. I think of people. I think of friends and family. I think of future, possibilities and plans. I think of someone who's very dear to me. I think of my blunders and how I learned from my the mistakes I have committed.
And then, I realized... after all, there's a streak of light in being alone. You become who you should become. You evaluate yourself and your life... later, you will end up with realizations that have never dawned on you since you became mature (if you have matured).
I feel consoled with all these things despite my being a loner these days. But what consoles me even more is the fact that I am never alone. I know there's someone who is with me in thoughts... that despite distance, we are one and together in mind (and heart). =)
Monday, May 16, 2011
The Great Poke
It started with a poke.
Poke seems so simple to do. It doesn't need alot of effort. But this blog did undergo alot of mind-crashing effort. It went through alot of scratch that this is, to be honest, the third draft I have created. I don't know why its always been hard for me to start a blog when I'm inlove. Perhaps, I just want it drafted specially, but i realized,superficiality does not work. It just needs a barrel of plain honesty - just like this.
I am inlove, and I know my friends have been really disappointed of me when I failed my 1 year and a half. This time, I am proud to say I got a new one after 3 months of waiting, 3 months of expectations that went failed, 3 months of longing, and 3 months of being adrift.
Now, I know there's a direction I am headed to - right beside the person I love whom I am very hopeful with.
Monotony has to stop right here. Relationships these days have always been as simple as poking - it's easy to grab, it's always there, wild and free. Getting a fast-paced dating is too rampant in my love archives. Perhaps, that's how alot of relationships go these days. This generation, you can find love easily than never before. This generation I am into has unfortunately lost the essence of patience and perseverance - the one similar to the 50s style - to achieve happiness in love. But now, you can find love by a simple click in Facebook, or by looking for faces and sites where you'd get a match in one click.
My new one, by the way, also came so easily like a poke. But enjoying the partnership will not be as fast as you might think.
My relationship now is totally different. I know I need to place double trusts, double perseverance, and double hardships before we both can achieve the peak of love - simply because we're thousands of miles apart.
This time, I have never been willing to take this chance and challenge ever before. I know this will be a little hard, but God intended this to start the hard way. Relationships should start the hard way, before it could take the summit. This is what i really need.
I grew tired of easy games, of meeting up and "like" each other then go right straight to commitment. I want to very well boil patience, understanding, and trust despite distance. Most especially, here's what she sent me over my inbox:
We poked, and started poking before we finally came to this level. But this doesn't mean this relationship is going to end like a poke. Eventually, we will prove that bigger things come from small packages. The poking will significantly come a really long way because I never have had been reassured in my life like this. I have found a romantic partner, the greatest reassurance of all - someone who won't leave me, instead tread the directions to my path to make it possible for both our roads to meet.
Someone who has all the time encouraged me that THIS IS GOING TO WORK if we let it happen. Most importantly, someone who values me like how she values herself.
For the poker, you have no idea how much i love you. I know this is the start of something new. A start of something better and longer... a start of a lifetime. We will both make it until we finally get into the glorious day.
Poke seems so simple to do. It doesn't need alot of effort. But this blog did undergo alot of mind-crashing effort. It went through alot of scratch that this is, to be honest, the third draft I have created. I don't know why its always been hard for me to start a blog when I'm inlove. Perhaps, I just want it drafted specially, but i realized,superficiality does not work. It just needs a barrel of plain honesty - just like this.
I am inlove, and I know my friends have been really disappointed of me when I failed my 1 year and a half. This time, I am proud to say I got a new one after 3 months of waiting, 3 months of expectations that went failed, 3 months of longing, and 3 months of being adrift.
Now, I know there's a direction I am headed to - right beside the person I love whom I am very hopeful with.
My new one, by the way, also came so easily like a poke. But enjoying the partnership will not be as fast as you might think.
My relationship now is totally different. I know I need to place double trusts, double perseverance, and double hardships before we both can achieve the peak of love - simply because we're thousands of miles apart.
This time, I have never been willing to take this chance and challenge ever before. I know this will be a little hard, but God intended this to start the hard way. Relationships should start the hard way, before it could take the summit. This is what i really need.
I grew tired of easy games, of meeting up and "like" each other then go right straight to commitment. I want to very well boil patience, understanding, and trust despite distance. Most especially, here's what she sent me over my inbox:
Our relationship is like culinary arts. You and I are chefs, we prepare the right recipe/ingredients in order for us to have a fantastic cuisine and even add a little spice to spice up our relationship, add a dash of fidelity, sprinkle some passion, and pour some LOVE.
We poked, and started poking before we finally came to this level. But this doesn't mean this relationship is going to end like a poke. Eventually, we will prove that bigger things come from small packages. The poking will significantly come a really long way because I never have had been reassured in my life like this. I have found a romantic partner, the greatest reassurance of all - someone who won't leave me, instead tread the directions to my path to make it possible for both our roads to meet.
Someone who has all the time encouraged me that THIS IS GOING TO WORK if we let it happen. Most importantly, someone who values me like how she values herself.
For the poker, you have no idea how much i love you. I know this is the start of something new. A start of something better and longer... a start of a lifetime. We will both make it until we finally get into the glorious day.
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
A Poem for Woo
Today
Joel S. Aba
Today, I officially ceased to expect
...that life offers best for those who deserve
...that life is fair and everything is constant;
...that everything magical never comes to an end.
Yes, I very well did know that too,
yet love had made me believe it so;
there aren't no doubts, no fear, no pain;
but now it left me scathed out in the rain
When you said you'd leave, you know I struggled to breathe;
I managed to smile to cover what was felt
Like a kite almost flown in the air but ceased,
and went spiral to the ground
Like death
Like sorrow
Just when a show close their curtains
But not like when spectators gaze in amazement
More like when audiences cry in sorrow
when the actors die and their spirit wave as they flow
When to start, and how, and where, but now?
When I have fallen completely in my eyes it's clear
vivid as crystals, vivid as it could ever be
...that I have now planted seeds and the life has come nearer to my sight
when the map has set a road for me, right now -- for my life
Going strong yet weaker
Going close but farther
Going robust yet not as what the mind perceives
not what the heart receives.
Goodbye lies ahead, I know I should free you--
but when, but how, but why, but now?
----For Woo.
Joel S. Aba
Today, I officially ceased to expect
...that life offers best for those who deserve
...that life is fair and everything is constant;
...that everything magical never comes to an end.
Yes, I very well did know that too,
yet love had made me believe it so;
there aren't no doubts, no fear, no pain;
but now it left me scathed out in the rain
When you said you'd leave, you know I struggled to breathe;
I managed to smile to cover what was felt
Like a kite almost flown in the air but ceased,
and went spiral to the ground
Like death
Like sorrow
Just when a show close their curtains
But not like when spectators gaze in amazement
More like when audiences cry in sorrow
when the actors die and their spirit wave as they flow
When to start, and how, and where, but now?
When I have fallen completely in my eyes it's clear
vivid as crystals, vivid as it could ever be
...that I have now planted seeds and the life has come nearer to my sight
when the map has set a road for me, right now -- for my life
Going strong yet weaker
Going close but farther
Going robust yet not as what the mind perceives
not what the heart receives.
Goodbye lies ahead, I know I should free you--
but when, but how, but why, but now?
----For Woo.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
The Light News -- We need it
News networks might have highlighted the beatification in Vatican and the seeming magical union of the royalties in London too much, I would say. But well, I can't blame them -- that's public interest and news should go for what is bankable and marketable to the audiences for them to thrive, well, financially.
Yet, these things are worth watching despite my being non-catholic, non-orthodox, and an antagonist to the unfairness of social levels. Though I fancy the thought of the realities of royalties ever since I had my real name changed to "The Rock Royalty" in the old Friendster then.
Really. There's too many good reasons to watch news today. First, it's public interest. Second, it's public interest. Third, it's still public interest. Aside from those three, I have come up with about 30 more reasons but I'd rather not discuss them. I'd like to get to the prime reason -- Simple. It's embedded on the next phrase. We - you and me - need light news.
And I need more of that.
I have been drowned too much the past weeks about depressing scenes flashing the TV, that if you have been slightly fainthearted, it will turn you officially fainthearted. In the end of the day, you'll end up getting frustrated over the superficiality of the news
Gripping. Saddening. Frustrating. Angst.Disaster. Danger. Sometimes sexual. Most, deadly -- I couldn't imagine all those words mixed together. So there were times I thought Willie Revillame has, somehow, a very specific reason to exist -- to twist the night. Let me talk a little about that.
Well, I guess that's a brilliant idea. We have been drowned with too much negativity in our news programs -- this is the core of the founding of TV5's "Willing-Willie" and their statement is quite convincing: "Why watch bad news when you can enjoy and feel good?" But seriously, I don't feel good seeing child abuse in primetime or anywhere else. Seriously. =)
Many times, I caught myself in anxiety, I can't stand the negativity of media. The news has adversely led and will continue leading us to one common thought -- that there's no hope at all in this cruel world. Everything is ill-fated and seeing these news items, we become inclined to believing that we are going inside a tunnel so dark we could be saved no more.
But there's a fact: God is alive. Everything that happens now -- the good and the bad -- I can safely say that he has plans in hand that all of us would not decipher.
Whether good news or bad meets us in the early morning tomorrow, let's just take it all in -- that's the reality of life. But let's not make all these a way for us to loosen or worst, lose our faith to Him. Let this not transform a negative but a positive instead: to turn our hearts closer to the God who controls the mix of everything.
Yet, these things are worth watching despite my being non-catholic, non-orthodox, and an antagonist to the unfairness of social levels. Though I fancy the thought of the realities of royalties ever since I had my real name changed to "The Rock Royalty" in the old Friendster then.
Really. There's too many good reasons to watch news today. First, it's public interest. Second, it's public interest. Third, it's still public interest. Aside from those three, I have come up with about 30 more reasons but I'd rather not discuss them. I'd like to get to the prime reason -- Simple. It's embedded on the next phrase. We - you and me - need light news.
And I need more of that.
I have been drowned too much the past weeks about depressing scenes flashing the TV, that if you have been slightly fainthearted, it will turn you officially fainthearted. In the end of the day, you'll end up getting frustrated over the superficiality of the news
Gripping. Saddening. Frustrating. Angst.Disaster. Danger. Sometimes sexual. Most, deadly -- I couldn't imagine all those words mixed together. So there were times I thought Willie Revillame has, somehow, a very specific reason to exist -- to twist the night. Let me talk a little about that.
Well, I guess that's a brilliant idea. We have been drowned with too much negativity in our news programs -- this is the core of the founding of TV5's "Willing-Willie" and their statement is quite convincing: "Why watch bad news when you can enjoy and feel good?" But seriously, I don't feel good seeing child abuse in primetime or anywhere else. Seriously. =)
Many times, I caught myself in anxiety, I can't stand the negativity of media. The news has adversely led and will continue leading us to one common thought -- that there's no hope at all in this cruel world. Everything is ill-fated and seeing these news items, we become inclined to believing that we are going inside a tunnel so dark we could be saved no more.
But there's a fact: God is alive. Everything that happens now -- the good and the bad -- I can safely say that he has plans in hand that all of us would not decipher.
Whether good news or bad meets us in the early morning tomorrow, let's just take it all in -- that's the reality of life. But let's not make all these a way for us to loosen or worst, lose our faith to Him. Let this not transform a negative but a positive instead: to turn our hearts closer to the God who controls the mix of everything.
Friday, April 22, 2011
Adrift and Ready to Sink
It isn't Friday as indicated in this blog post. It's Saturday and you should also know that a minute ago, I just deleted one post before I drafted this blog post. I read the blog before this (the one i deleted), and realized it isn't enough to describe what I really feel.
I know we all feel like this - we seem to vent things out in many possible ways we can - yet we realize that it isn't really enough to express what we feel. And we end up not getting the right mix of everything. You know..
So let me directly say this to someone, hoping that this second time, I can better this blog and fit it exactly to its container:
Dear You,
You have no idea how I want us together -- I could not say anything more. That statement alone tells you what I feel, what I believe, and how I want us to become. Right now, i want to directly tell you that I am filled with disbelief. For the first time, I thought this might not work. I am sorry to tell you that I have been really disappointed, and because of this, i think i need this time to think over what i really feel.
I became hardened with the hours of waiting, and I am deeply saddened about spending my Vacation Leave alone -- this, I feel because I intend to use that day to spend time with you.
I am sorry if I have to be like this - I shouldn't have expected alot. From the very beginning, I know I should have not expected and believed to every action you have showed me. This is because we aren't committed. Now, I don't even know if I have the right to feel sad and irritated. I have no right. Because after all, if we aren't "in a relationship", we are then both "single". And if you aren't mine, this means we're just friends.
We are simply friends.
Thank you. This dawned on me just now.
I know we all feel like this - we seem to vent things out in many possible ways we can - yet we realize that it isn't really enough to express what we feel. And we end up not getting the right mix of everything. You know..
So let me directly say this to someone, hoping that this second time, I can better this blog and fit it exactly to its container:
Dear You,
You have no idea how I want us together -- I could not say anything more. That statement alone tells you what I feel, what I believe, and how I want us to become. Right now, i want to directly tell you that I am filled with disbelief. For the first time, I thought this might not work. I am sorry to tell you that I have been really disappointed, and because of this, i think i need this time to think over what i really feel.
I became hardened with the hours of waiting, and I am deeply saddened about spending my Vacation Leave alone -- this, I feel because I intend to use that day to spend time with you.
I am sorry if I have to be like this - I shouldn't have expected alot. From the very beginning, I know I should have not expected and believed to every action you have showed me. This is because we aren't committed. Now, I don't even know if I have the right to feel sad and irritated. I have no right. Because after all, if we aren't "in a relationship", we are then both "single". And if you aren't mine, this means we're just friends.
We are simply friends.
Thank you. This dawned on me just now.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
You make me.
It's the 13th day of April and this day is doubly special because this is my very first post from my new Sony VAIO laptop. The wait is indeed over. Before you read further I'd like to let you know that this is another similar post to the many posts I have posted in this blogpage.(hahaha)..
What makes it similar? Just like before, I'll talk of love once again. But what's the difference? There will be no pain. As I posted previously, I have learned from the debacles of life and in fact, I blogged the lines: "It was a good riddance, indeed." I have considered previous experiences as good riddance for the fact that the commencement of the right person won't happen if some things won't come to an end.
After all those seemingly exhausting years of relationships, I know that God has planned for me a big break. And this time, I know is the right time. Someone came. Again. And for several blog readers, more so to my former publication mates, they might just react "Na pod?" (Again?) This is because they knew that my struggle for a lasting relationship started since time immemorial. Many times, they've seen me fall down and crushed. They saw the other extreme even. They saw me at the summit of my confidence to one relationship. But things have failed, and starting anew should come into place.
It won't matter for me how hard its going to be, i decided to risk it rather than repelling to the possibilities of meeting the right person. I need to pass that tunnel of pain to arrive to the right destination -- the destination that leads me to the right person. Right now, I have never been confident to someone than this.
I know the right person has come, and this blog may be just the same as before, and everyone expects this happiness to still fail. But I there's something I cannot describe through words about our companionship with this new one. It makes me feel as if God has given me the right timing this time -- where my heart is strong, where my experiences reached its full bloom. It's going to be redundant to say "We connect," because I know I have killed that word too much.I'd rather say, I can't explain... because that is what I truly feel, indeed.
There are several reasons to trust this new one. Several reasons to love and several reasons to be happy. Coz I know that this time -- the time has come. For you -- and you know who you are since you frequent my blog everytime there's a new post -- let me tell you this:
YOU. MAKE. ME. This is our time.
What makes it similar? Just like before, I'll talk of love once again. But what's the difference? There will be no pain. As I posted previously, I have learned from the debacles of life and in fact, I blogged the lines: "It was a good riddance, indeed." I have considered previous experiences as good riddance for the fact that the commencement of the right person won't happen if some things won't come to an end.
After all those seemingly exhausting years of relationships, I know that God has planned for me a big break. And this time, I know is the right time. Someone came. Again. And for several blog readers, more so to my former publication mates, they might just react "Na pod?" (Again?) This is because they knew that my struggle for a lasting relationship started since time immemorial. Many times, they've seen me fall down and crushed. They saw the other extreme even. They saw me at the summit of my confidence to one relationship. But things have failed, and starting anew should come into place.
It won't matter for me how hard its going to be, i decided to risk it rather than repelling to the possibilities of meeting the right person. I need to pass that tunnel of pain to arrive to the right destination -- the destination that leads me to the right person. Right now, I have never been confident to someone than this.
I know the right person has come, and this blog may be just the same as before, and everyone expects this happiness to still fail. But I there's something I cannot describe through words about our companionship with this new one. It makes me feel as if God has given me the right timing this time -- where my heart is strong, where my experiences reached its full bloom. It's going to be redundant to say "We connect," because I know I have killed that word too much.I'd rather say, I can't explain... because that is what I truly feel, indeed.
There are several reasons to trust this new one. Several reasons to love and several reasons to be happy. Coz I know that this time -- the time has come. For you -- and you know who you are since you frequent my blog everytime there's a new post -- let me tell you this:
YOU. MAKE. ME. This is our time.
Monday, April 4, 2011
Photographs and Memories
First of all, I would like to apologize sincerely to the melancholics reading this now. Tears run down your cheeks seeing the title of this post, reminding you of your incessant love to Jim Croce.
Let me start. Last Sunday, me and my sister Christine, had the chance to check our old photos stored "inside" the vintage TV we had at home. Yes, inside.. We got all the "intestines" of the TV, and used it as a shelf of photos, albums, and books.
It was an idea that just popped out my mind that moment, thinking maybe, photos could remind me how I metamorphosed from being innocent to violent. Here's what I have found:
The oldest photo I ever have is this. I was a year old.
My Mother, Rosalinda, had alot of stories to tell about this photo. When I was this small, I knew my mother almost regret why I was born. That is because she lived a zombie life. I had the most unceasing cry in the entire town, both my parents don't know what to do. They wished sleeping pills exists dominantly back then. Throwing me out of the house must have crossed their minds... That, I bet. Hahaha.
Obviously, The girl at my back is Christine Aba. The date to which this photo was taken remains unknown. Looking at the photo above, I can see only a few things have changed. hahaha.
I'd like to comment about something I figured out to this photo to the other before it. There's a similarity between them: My sister is always at my back. Up to now, she really is, always.
Finally... to end this photo blog, here's the most hideous-looking photo I EVER had - I have seen a MOSTEEER. The photo was taken during kindergarten years, where joining Sinulog de Tanjay (now Saulog de Tanjay) is never an option - it's mandatory. To move up to first grader, you have to look like this:
Thanks Holiness, passing college isn't as hard as doing this. If it was, I wish I died.
'Till next time, people. Thanks for dropping by CupAvenue.
Let me start. Last Sunday, me and my sister Christine, had the chance to check our old photos stored "inside" the vintage TV we had at home. Yes, inside.. We got all the "intestines" of the TV, and used it as a shelf of photos, albums, and books.
It was an idea that just popped out my mind that moment, thinking maybe, photos could remind me how I metamorphosed from being innocent to violent. Here's what I have found:
The oldest photo I ever have is this. I was a year old.
My Mother, Rosalinda, had alot of stories to tell about this photo. When I was this small, I knew my mother almost regret why I was born. That is because she lived a zombie life. I had the most unceasing cry in the entire town, both my parents don't know what to do. They wished sleeping pills exists dominantly back then. Throwing me out of the house must have crossed their minds... That, I bet. Hahaha.
Obviously, The girl at my back is Christine Aba. The date to which this photo was taken remains unknown. Looking at the photo above, I can see only a few things have changed. hahaha.
I'd like to comment about something I figured out to this photo to the other before it. There's a similarity between them: My sister is always at my back. Up to now, she really is, always.
Finally... to end this photo blog, here's the most hideous-looking photo I EVER had - I have seen a MOSTEEER. The photo was taken during kindergarten years, where joining Sinulog de Tanjay (now Saulog de Tanjay) is never an option - it's mandatory. To move up to first grader, you have to look like this:
Thanks Holiness, passing college isn't as hard as doing this. If it was, I wish I died.'Till next time, people. Thanks for dropping by CupAvenue.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Realizations from 1 year and a half =)
You, readers, might have seen the obvious change i created on this blog. I changed it to a fresh and simpler look - so simple that you can't see anything but a few icons, bars, and words placed properly intact. At this time, I'm going to find ways to personalize this a little (probably a huge photo in the background would help) for marketability to blogworld. =)
At this point of the year, I know I am more than ready to make a blog to close the archives - expose a rundown of realizations that dawned on me in the "a-year-and-a-half relationship" I closed 2 months ago.
I care not if people tell me, "You're not over it," for making this post. At least I know that right inside my heart - even to the outskirts of it - I know I am done with it... even faster than what i thought.
Here are the tidbits I'd like to share for you today:
POINT 1: NOT all seemingly fairytale start finishes in a fantasy-like close-curtains. Movies aren't similar to relationships. In movies, writers control the ending of a story. Unlike Disney's where every struggle, however cosmic it had all turned out, all ends up in a "happily ever after". However, relationships do not at all end with a similar fate. Holes are around - you can't see it and you can fall anytime to a bunch of shit.
POINT 2: Both ends can tie if they make it possible. Conciliation can be done by two through compromise. However, if one party fails to submit to conciliation, that is where worse becomes worst.
POINT 3: Never leave an issue unresolved. If it's resolved, bury it to hell. Pain can hide in the interstices of the mind, worst, the heart. It may show a facade of recovery, but there will come a time, more so if a similar issue goes back to the picture, the hidden unresolved issues meddles in its weight and even more blocks reconciliation and compromise.
POINT 4: Reassure the partner (Tap a partner's back). This, I have done so many times. Yet, I was never reassured and that was one of the reasons why things have all failed. Relationship is a set of chapters and chapters of reassurance. Like plants, it dies when it's not fed. The other one is to appreciate every little thing your partner does for you or for others. It feels deeper when appreciation comes from a partner.
Most importantly...
POINT 5: There's the positive. Sometimes, we need to hurt someone just so we can find our path - something very brillaint Ricci Larena-Pacana shared to me yesterday. We need to be hurt not just to make us strong, but so that we can find the person - the right person for us.
It won't matter how magical it was, won't matter how long you have been together - what matters is wether you are for each other. =)
That, i now sense was a good riddance. Indeed, a good riddance. Thanks Heavens!
At this point of the year, I know I am more than ready to make a blog to close the archives - expose a rundown of realizations that dawned on me in the "a-year-and-a-half relationship" I closed 2 months ago.
I care not if people tell me, "You're not over it," for making this post. At least I know that right inside my heart - even to the outskirts of it - I know I am done with it... even faster than what i thought.
Here are the tidbits I'd like to share for you today:
POINT 1: NOT all seemingly fairytale start finishes in a fantasy-like close-curtains. Movies aren't similar to relationships. In movies, writers control the ending of a story. Unlike Disney's where every struggle, however cosmic it had all turned out, all ends up in a "happily ever after". However, relationships do not at all end with a similar fate. Holes are around - you can't see it and you can fall anytime to a bunch of shit.
POINT 2: Both ends can tie if they make it possible. Conciliation can be done by two through compromise. However, if one party fails to submit to conciliation, that is where worse becomes worst.
POINT 3: Never leave an issue unresolved. If it's resolved, bury it to hell. Pain can hide in the interstices of the mind, worst, the heart. It may show a facade of recovery, but there will come a time, more so if a similar issue goes back to the picture, the hidden unresolved issues meddles in its weight and even more blocks reconciliation and compromise.
POINT 4: Reassure the partner (Tap a partner's back). This, I have done so many times. Yet, I was never reassured and that was one of the reasons why things have all failed. Relationship is a set of chapters and chapters of reassurance. Like plants, it dies when it's not fed. The other one is to appreciate every little thing your partner does for you or for others. It feels deeper when appreciation comes from a partner.
Most importantly...
POINT 5: There's the positive. Sometimes, we need to hurt someone just so we can find our path - something very brillaint Ricci Larena-Pacana shared to me yesterday. We need to be hurt not just to make us strong, but so that we can find the person - the right person for us.
It won't matter how magical it was, won't matter how long you have been together - what matters is wether you are for each other. =)
That, i now sense was a good riddance. Indeed, a good riddance. Thanks Heavens!
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Have I met you yet?
Today is a bright Monday, and the weekend was great.. I could say I spent it just the right way. By tomorrow, when I come to the office, I know close office workers like the preggy hot momma Carrie (Click here to see her account), or Deryl (Hit this to see her face) will surely ask me the status of my heart.
I couldn't say a word but only a grin in my face with a bashful line, "Dating". And Carrie would act so kilig over it that if I finally see a partner, she's surely the very first person to hug me and say "Finally."
Funny as it seems but I understand that these girls constantly wish me to be happy because they know I deserve it... and they are even more excited than I am. More than that, they want me to find the best for me. Unfortunately, in the track record, I haven't found someone that fits my glass... or rides a similar boat that I have. They always drift a little far and we never connect. Several times I have to frankly tell them what they have to work on... and I keep draggin them to my boat. But I realize it won't work that way.
I had enough of that. Deryl, Carrie, and Floe knows that I need someone that fits me - someone who has the same feelings as I. It should be two people working for harmony, but not one person dragging the other.
It made me think that indeed, that distant break-up, has a reason. That is embedded on my Last Song Sydrome (LSS) : "I'm not surprised, not everything lasts. I broken my heart I stopped keeping track... I tried so very hard not to lose it, made up a million excuses. 'Coz I haven't met you yet."
At this point in my blog, allow me to take a shift: I have to be honest to my beloved blog. I don't want this blog to act foolish.
Those lines tell me that lover must be somewhere around the corner. And here's a fact: before, I sing those lines to comfort me. Now, i sing those lines to suppress my feelings for somebody.
Admittedly, I can see and feel several symptoms that I'm inlove. After all my seeming desperation, I know I should have been happy. It makes me think "This is what I have been looking for".. or "This is exactly the feeling I was looking for". This could be jubilation! Yet this moment isn't going to be a jubilation. This pains me primarily because I know I should do my best to supress the feel-good. I think this is how I would end my blog. I'll keep on trying to suppress it as much as I could - the first time in my entire life.
I wished we met earlier than this. I wish I'm resistant to feel and see that we both connect very well, that we have almost exactly the same values and ideas.
Michael Buble's song is going to help me. Just like how it helped me before.
If Carrie and Deryl asks me again, I'd grab a pen, use it as my microphone as sing:
I couldn't say a word but only a grin in my face with a bashful line, "Dating". And Carrie would act so kilig over it that if I finally see a partner, she's surely the very first person to hug me and say "Finally."
Funny as it seems but I understand that these girls constantly wish me to be happy because they know I deserve it... and they are even more excited than I am. More than that, they want me to find the best for me. Unfortunately, in the track record, I haven't found someone that fits my glass... or rides a similar boat that I have. They always drift a little far and we never connect. Several times I have to frankly tell them what they have to work on... and I keep draggin them to my boat. But I realize it won't work that way.
I had enough of that. Deryl, Carrie, and Floe knows that I need someone that fits me - someone who has the same feelings as I. It should be two people working for harmony, but not one person dragging the other.
It made me think that indeed, that distant break-up, has a reason. That is embedded on my Last Song Sydrome (LSS) : "I'm not surprised, not everything lasts. I broken my heart I stopped keeping track... I tried so very hard not to lose it, made up a million excuses. 'Coz I haven't met you yet."
At this point in my blog, allow me to take a shift: I have to be honest to my beloved blog. I don't want this blog to act foolish.
Those lines tell me that lover must be somewhere around the corner. And here's a fact: before, I sing those lines to comfort me. Now, i sing those lines to suppress my feelings for somebody.
Admittedly, I can see and feel several symptoms that I'm inlove. After all my seeming desperation, I know I should have been happy. It makes me think "This is what I have been looking for".. or "This is exactly the feeling I was looking for". This could be jubilation! Yet this moment isn't going to be a jubilation. This pains me primarily because I know I should do my best to supress the feel-good. I think this is how I would end my blog. I'll keep on trying to suppress it as much as I could - the first time in my entire life.
I wished we met earlier than this. I wish I'm resistant to feel and see that we both connect very well, that we have almost exactly the same values and ideas.
Michael Buble's song is going to help me. Just like how it helped me before.
If Carrie and Deryl asks me again, I'd grab a pen, use it as my microphone as sing:
I might have to wait, i'll never give up. I guess its half timing, the other half's luck. Wherever you are, whenever it's right... you'll come out of nowhere and into my life."
Saturday, March 12, 2011
When I was 17, did I know this would happen?
It's March 12, 2011. Bad news is all around the web and TV but I prefer to give less care knowing that God can take care of it through my prayers. I also don't want to add the heaviness of my thoughts and emotions. That's who I am, so accept it. I prefer to be apathetic just for now.
I was scanning my blogs here in my site and my oldest, abandoned Friendster blogs (click here to see it) where my oldest post dated 2006 still survive amidst earthquakes and tsunami. I was then, 17 years old. While scanning, I realized that I have been blogging for years. It's been years that I seriously use the web, and such routine has become more of an emotional need than just lifestyle.
Today, if I have to open a new page for a new post here in my blog, I would rant about how sad I am, how unfortunate I have become, how I need love at this time, and questions may arise about how am I going to cope with the struggles. But I decided not to.
There's too much hurt inside of me, it paralyzed my daily routines. Hurt came to a point of numbness. I got tired of running for, and writing about pain. There is too much of it - I have grown weary. I don't want you, readers, to become victims of boredom and redundancy,
ENOUGH. Tears already blogged it for me. =)
Instead of staying in a sad corner of my room and do all drama in this world, I remained positive. Then just today, a light came to me. I realized that in the history of my blogging, I blogged too much about finding a partner, then breaking up, then finding another one. But amazingly, the oldest blog that I written - the oldest the web could trace - (since I have been blogging since 2004) marked no sadness, no depression. In fact, it was not all about search for love. Nothing about the damn love.
It feels amazing that the oldest blog I wrote when I 17 years old actually taught me about moving on. It's entitled, "The Road Leads Here,". I grabbed a screenshot from that blog. I told myself:
I can't believe that the 17-year old "Joel" could advice the 21-year old "Joel" of today. There, I also wrote the comforting lines:
I learned from my oldest blog post the most remarkable line no one has given me. That is moving on with the thought of thanksgiving, that everything I experienced in my 1 year and 6 months relationship - all the happiness and sadness, romances and laughters, hugs and kisses, stress and depressions, fights and reconciliations, bonding and never ending jokes, pains and healing, embarrassments we often laugh at, companionship we shared, and all the stories - are all but experiences that will build me up to becoming a better individual, and a soon better partner.
Just how I ended the oldest blog I wrote almost 5 years ago, I would end this blog with these lines:
I was scanning my blogs here in my site and my oldest, abandoned Friendster blogs (click here to see it) where my oldest post dated 2006 still survive amidst earthquakes and tsunami. I was then, 17 years old. While scanning, I realized that I have been blogging for years. It's been years that I seriously use the web, and such routine has become more of an emotional need than just lifestyle.
Today, if I have to open a new page for a new post here in my blog, I would rant about how sad I am, how unfortunate I have become, how I need love at this time, and questions may arise about how am I going to cope with the struggles. But I decided not to.
There's too much hurt inside of me, it paralyzed my daily routines. Hurt came to a point of numbness. I got tired of running for, and writing about pain. There is too much of it - I have grown weary. I don't want you, readers, to become victims of boredom and redundancy,
ENOUGH. Tears already blogged it for me. =)
Instead of staying in a sad corner of my room and do all drama in this world, I remained positive. Then just today, a light came to me. I realized that in the history of my blogging, I blogged too much about finding a partner, then breaking up, then finding another one. But amazingly, the oldest blog that I written - the oldest the web could trace - (since I have been blogging since 2004) marked no sadness, no depression. In fact, it was not all about search for love. Nothing about the damn love.
It feels amazing that the oldest blog I wrote when I 17 years old actually taught me about moving on. It's entitled, "The Road Leads Here,". I grabbed a screenshot from that blog. I told myself:
I can't believe that the 17-year old "Joel" could advice the 21-year old "Joel" of today. There, I also wrote the comforting lines:
I learned from my oldest blog post the most remarkable line no one has given me. That is moving on with the thought of thanksgiving, that everything I experienced in my 1 year and 6 months relationship - all the happiness and sadness, romances and laughters, hugs and kisses, stress and depressions, fights and reconciliations, bonding and never ending jokes, pains and healing, embarrassments we often laugh at, companionship we shared, and all the stories - are all but experiences that will build me up to becoming a better individual, and a soon better partner.Just how I ended the oldest blog I wrote almost 5 years ago, I would end this blog with these lines:
("The Road Leads Here" Royalty Tribune, December 2006 post: click here)
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Lifeless.
I would straightforwardly say that I have lost all my energy and motivation to write a blog... just as I lost a very important person in my life.
I am expected to post the most lonely post the next few days, and I don't know if there is ever someone who would care reading this blog. I feel like I am going to truly abandon this writing hub, the CupAvenue, that has always become my avenue to expose my feelings (other than self-talk).
My life seems to stand hopeless. If you go to archives, and see the posts dated August or November, you would see a man of thrill, love, and excitement.
I lost all of them recently.
I have lost all hope in my search for true love. I thought my life has been secured to a person I have loved like no other. I grieved, and that's basically why I was not able to post a blog for awhile. Now that I am a little relieved, I am assured I could somehow post a content to this disregarded blog.
Just like my previous post, I still keep asking, "Where will I start?". I never know how, when, and where. It's all vague here. I am alone.
Yes, the answer lies in there - I should start from myself. It is where I know I can be happy, and i know i can be more than contented.
Who is the one for me? I never know. Whoever you are, please come soon... or please, be back soon.
I am expected to post the most lonely post the next few days, and I don't know if there is ever someone who would care reading this blog. I feel like I am going to truly abandon this writing hub, the CupAvenue, that has always become my avenue to expose my feelings (other than self-talk).
My life seems to stand hopeless. If you go to archives, and see the posts dated August or November, you would see a man of thrill, love, and excitement.
I lost all of them recently.
I have lost all hope in my search for true love. I thought my life has been secured to a person I have loved like no other. I grieved, and that's basically why I was not able to post a blog for awhile. Now that I am a little relieved, I am assured I could somehow post a content to this disregarded blog.
Just like my previous post, I still keep asking, "Where will I start?". I never know how, when, and where. It's all vague here. I am alone.
Yes, the answer lies in there - I should start from myself. It is where I know I can be happy, and i know i can be more than contented.
Who is the one for me? I never know. Whoever you are, please come soon... or please, be back soon.
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Grieving a Vague Life
This is the 6th introduction I have created in this particular post. I just don't know how to start and what to write in this page. I have erased too many sentences, dumped too many phrases that if "backspace" could speak, he'd say "Spare me!".
Seems like my writing power has just faded, or if it is ever there still, there might be too many things to write about, and there are too many possible introductions I can use. I am probably just picking for the best intro, but still couldn't find.
Yet here I am, successfully made just the right introduction - the most honest yet unimpressive opening statement of a blog. Something that could not gain impression, but just plain, simple, and true - just me. And this is final.
There might be too many things in my mind now, but only one person still remains at the prime center - the one I truly love. Just broke up with my partner, and just like how this blog went, I don't know where to start. I have constantly erased too many thoughts and worries, and I need to start anew.
While making this blog I don't even know what phrase could end this post to express what i really feel. I don't even know what exactly to say. Should I just say "I'm hurt" when all i feel is even worst?
Should I just say "It's all gonna pass" when I myself knows exactly that it won't be possible?
My life will be exactly like this blog - no fixed beginning, and doomed to a vague end. My life has passed this part of this post, where I never know what to say and do, never know exactly where it leads, and never know if this indeed is worth writing for.
All I know is it seems like my life has passed its summit, and I am riding to a complete fall down. It's going to end very soon, and time has stopped to me who constantly wishes for it to move.
But the question remains, "How could I start?" when at this time, I know I have lost a big slice of my life - the perfect partner who is just right for me. How would you start if you know your heart has been fixated to only one person?
Just like my life, I wanted to draft a perfect lovelife, a perfect introduction whose ending extends to never-ending. I want to start things the right way, and making sure it's right. But i realized now, that just like the introduction of this blog, there is no perfect introduction. A "sweet and savory" intro might not work - the only thing that works is an intro written and drafted with all honesty.
"I do love you," that's how this blog should suppose to start - that, I just realized. That is more honest than saying I'm dumb to start a blog because I'm all out of words to impress readers. But now that you're drifting away, how could I start another introduction? Should I be honest still, that even though people perceive "good" in my facade, that just like the facade of my other blogs, there lies the hidden me - a lonely and miserable man.
At this point in my life, and at this point in my blog, I am unsure If I have I started my life, or am I now facing the end?
February 2011
Sunday, January 30, 2011
The Obsession Shift
I will now bid a temporary farewell to my second girlfriend - Facebook. This happens after 3 months of being banned by my partner of using the site. It was a roller coaster ride, and I consider it a big loss being tagged as "the social network addict" of my publication way back college.
It's been years since I used Facebook (teary-eyed this time), that it has caused me to enjoy the best in life - making friends, meeting-up my partner(s), expressing myself the unique way, being able to tell the world my thoughts in a more vast coverage, being able to greet my friends in a greeting that though channeled through the intranet, it is but still addressed as though personally said.
This and more will make me miss typing "facebook.com" in mozilla firefox address bar. I could even remember my status before: "There are friends I could have forgotten if I did not log in to Facebook".
Now, I will accept the horrid fact that I will soon forget the hundreds of friends and acquaintances whose faces appear on my friend list. So here, below is my friendly "despedida" card that if I could only send to Mark Zuckerburg now, he would wildly appreciate. Here it is:
Sincerely and in tears,
Joel =)
Now, just like in relationships, we have to bring ourselves back to normalcy state. We have to bring ourselves back from pieces, and well, search for a new one. And luckily, I have indeed found her:
Yes, he is the founder of twitter, Evan Williams, and I could not explain how thankful I am to this man who made me find my second life (Ehem, sorry for the exaggeration). Now, I am building my site like never before, and realized there are too many narcissistic things I can do in Twitter.com than Facebook - putting your photo as the exact background to the profile (as seen above).
No worries if I get bored. I have twitter friends I can tweet when I miss my Facebook. =)
It's been years since I used Facebook (teary-eyed this time), that it has caused me to enjoy the best in life - making friends, meeting-up my partner(s), expressing myself the unique way, being able to tell the world my thoughts in a more vast coverage, being able to greet my friends in a greeting that though channeled through the intranet, it is but still addressed as though personally said.
This and more will make me miss typing "facebook.com" in mozilla firefox address bar. I could even remember my status before: "There are friends I could have forgotten if I did not log in to Facebook".
Now, I will accept the horrid fact that I will soon forget the hundreds of friends and acquaintances whose faces appear on my friend list. So here, below is my friendly "despedida" card that if I could only send to Mark Zuckerburg now, he would wildly appreciate. Here it is:
Sincerely and in tears,Joel =)
For now, I say sorry for the declined friend request on that website, for the messages that were left abandoned. To you, I say "I shall return!"
Now, just like in relationships, we have to bring ourselves back to normalcy state. We have to bring ourselves back from pieces, and well, search for a new one. And luckily, I have indeed found her:
Yes, he is the founder of twitter, Evan Williams, and I could not explain how thankful I am to this man who made me find my second life (Ehem, sorry for the exaggeration). Now, I am building my site like never before, and realized there are too many narcissistic things I can do in Twitter.com than Facebook - putting your photo as the exact background to the profile (as seen above).
No worries if I get bored. I have twitter friends I can tweet when I miss my Facebook. =)
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
If Only it's Like Call Center
When I was 17, I can almost remember how ecstatic I was thinking of becoming old. 25, 27, 30 were my ideal numbers. At that age, If I could only use a time traveler, I might have jumped way older and I should be happier.
But not today. At this time, while I'm 21, I now constantly wish to go back my 20th year - active, alert, and mind you, better looking. LOL. That wish came to me like a rocket so fast when I looked in the mirror and saw myself getting old.
I have never had a close friend younger than I except Michelle. I loved hanging around with my male friends aged 25 or in their 30s. And wow, they were smart, experienced, and were advisers. The best adviser I have was a nurse/teacher. He was, if i'm not mistaken, 34 years old. During those days of grief in love, he was my constant breather. He'd tell me of the best solution to problems like a mature man - a man who never let's anyone turn him down.
The best mature advice that dawned on me? He had made me realize that pretty face does not matter, thus, I should recover from all those failed relationships I have from the 'pretty faces.' What matters is partnership and commitment.. and it's just hard to get faithfulness from partners whose physique fits your "ideal". =)
Pretty nice realization.
During my broken heart days, I wished to be like him - one who could easily recover. Resistant. Fights hurt feelings like a wrestler. I wished to be mature - to be in 20s or 30s!
But things suddenly turned different. After a day's work, I faced the mirror and realized I am indeed getting old. I looked at the difference between my teenage and the present. I thought that along with the maturity I have wished for, is a depreciation of your physical body - a change that could not be undone.
Now that I'm 21, and having found the longest-running partner I have in life, I wish not to be mature anymore. I wish the other extreme - to become even younger. I am now surrounded with mature people - people who talk about families, kids, sex, money, stress, and serious work. I missed the college talks - the acquaintances, the campings, the events, and friendships.
I want to step back and return time, and be able to fully enjoy the thrill of teenage and college. If it's only like our call center - we could 'backdate' and 'activate without payment', undo the damage and reactivate something that has gone dead.
In the call center, we can make changes to errors and end up with a happy resolution - EVERYTIME. But becoming mature does not guarantee that. You become old and need to face it. Your face will soon alter the glimmer, and you will think differently.
But not today. At this time, while I'm 21, I now constantly wish to go back my 20th year - active, alert, and mind you, better looking. LOL. That wish came to me like a rocket so fast when I looked in the mirror and saw myself getting old.
I have never had a close friend younger than I except Michelle. I loved hanging around with my male friends aged 25 or in their 30s. And wow, they were smart, experienced, and were advisers. The best adviser I have was a nurse/teacher. He was, if i'm not mistaken, 34 years old. During those days of grief in love, he was my constant breather. He'd tell me of the best solution to problems like a mature man - a man who never let's anyone turn him down.
The best mature advice that dawned on me? He had made me realize that pretty face does not matter, thus, I should recover from all those failed relationships I have from the 'pretty faces.' What matters is partnership and commitment.. and it's just hard to get faithfulness from partners whose physique fits your "ideal". =)
Pretty nice realization.
During my broken heart days, I wished to be like him - one who could easily recover. Resistant. Fights hurt feelings like a wrestler. I wished to be mature - to be in 20s or 30s!
But things suddenly turned different. After a day's work, I faced the mirror and realized I am indeed getting old. I looked at the difference between my teenage and the present. I thought that along with the maturity I have wished for, is a depreciation of your physical body - a change that could not be undone.
Now that I'm 21, and having found the longest-running partner I have in life, I wish not to be mature anymore. I wish the other extreme - to become even younger. I am now surrounded with mature people - people who talk about families, kids, sex, money, stress, and serious work. I missed the college talks - the acquaintances, the campings, the events, and friendships.
I want to step back and return time, and be able to fully enjoy the thrill of teenage and college. If it's only like our call center - we could 'backdate' and 'activate without payment', undo the damage and reactivate something that has gone dead.
In the call center, we can make changes to errors and end up with a happy resolution - EVERYTIME. But becoming mature does not guarantee that. You become old and need to face it. Your face will soon alter the glimmer, and you will think differently.
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