Adrift and Ready to Sink

It isn't Friday as indicated in this blog post. It's Saturday and you should also know that a minute ago, I just deleted one post before I drafted this blog post. I read the blog before this (the one i deleted), and realized it isn't enough to describe what I really feel.

I know we all feel like this - we seem to vent things out in many possible ways we can - yet we realize that it isn't really enough to express what we feel. And we end up not getting the right mix of everything. You know..

So let me directly say this to someone, hoping that this second time, I can better this blog and fit it exactly to its container:

Dear You,

You have no idea how I want us together -- I could not say anything more. That statement alone tells you what I feel, what I believe, and how I want us to become. Right now, i want to directly tell you that I am filled with disbelief. For the first time, I thought this might not work. I am sorry to tell you that I have been really disappointed, and because of this, i think i need this time to think over what i really feel.

I became hardened with the hours of waiting, and I am deeply saddened about spending my Vacation Leave alone -- this, I feel because I intend to use that day to spend time with you.

I am sorry if I have to be like this - I shouldn't have expected alot. From the very beginning, I know I should have not expected and believed to every action you have showed me. This is because we aren't committed. Now, I don't even know if I have the right to feel sad and irritated. I have no right. Because after all, if we aren't "in a relationship", we are then both "single". And if you aren't mine, this means we're just friends.

We are simply friends.

Thank you. This dawned on me just now.

You make me.

It's the 13th day of April and this day is doubly special because this is my very first post from my new Sony VAIO laptop. The wait is indeed over. Before you read further I'd like to let you know that this is another similar post to the many posts I have posted in this blogpage.(hahaha)..

What makes it similar? Just like before, I'll talk of love once again. But what's the difference? There will be no pain. As I posted previously, I have learned from the debacles of life and in fact, I blogged the lines: "It was a good riddance, indeed." I have considered previous experiences as good riddance for the fact that the commencement of the right person won't happen if some things won't come to an end.

After all those seemingly exhausting years of relationships, I know that God has planned for me a big break. And this time, I know is the right time. Someone came. Again. And for several blog readers, more so to my former publication mates, they might just react "Na pod?" (Again?) This is because they knew that my struggle for a lasting relationship started since time immemorial. Many times, they've seen me fall down and crushed. They saw the other extreme even. They saw me at the summit of my confidence to one relationship. But things have failed, and starting anew should come into place.

It won't matter for me how hard its going to be, i decided to risk it rather than repelling to the possibilities of meeting the right person. I need to pass that tunnel of pain to arrive to the right destination -- the destination that leads me to the right person. Right now, I have never been confident to someone than this.

I know the right person has come, and this blog may be just the same as before, and everyone expects this happiness to still fail. But I there's something I cannot describe through words about our companionship with this new one. It makes me feel as if God has given me the right timing this time -- where my heart is strong, where my experiences reached its full bloom. It's going to be redundant to say "We connect," because I know I have killed that word too much.I'd rather say, I can't explain... because that is what I truly feel, indeed.

There are several reasons to trust this new one. Several reasons to love and several reasons to be happy. Coz I know that this time -- the time has come. For you -- and you know who you are since you frequent my blog everytime there's a new post -- let me tell you this:

YOU. MAKE. ME. This is our time.

Photographs and Memories

First of all, I would like to apologize sincerely to the melancholics reading this now. Tears run down your cheeks seeing the title of this post, reminding you of your incessant love to Jim Croce.

Let me start. Last Sunday, me and my sister Christine, had the chance to check our old photos stored "inside" the vintage TV we had at home. Yes, inside.. We got all the "intestines" of the TV, and used it as a shelf of photos, albums, and books.

It was an idea that just popped out my mind that moment, thinking maybe, photos could remind me how I metamorphosed from being innocent to violent. Here's what I have found:

The oldest photo I ever have is this. I was a year old.

My Mother, Rosalinda, had alot of stories to tell about this photo. When I was this small, I knew my mother almost regret why I was born. That is because she lived a zombie life. I had the most unceasing cry in the entire town, both my parents don't know what to do. They wished sleeping pills exists dominantly back then. Throwing me out of the house must have crossed their minds... That, I bet. Hahaha.


Obviously, The girl at my back is Christine Aba. The date to which this photo was taken remains unknown. Looking at the photo above, I can see only a few things have changed. hahaha.


I'd like to comment about something I figured out to this photo to the other before it. There's a similarity between them: My sister is always at my back. Up to now, she really is, always.

Finally... to end this photo blog, here's the most hideous-looking photo I EVER had - I have seen a MOSTEEER. The photo was taken during kindergarten years, where joining Sinulog de Tanjay (now Saulog de Tanjay) is never an option - it's mandatory. To move up to first grader, you have to look like this:

Thanks Holiness, passing college isn't as hard as doing this. If it was, I wish I died.

'Till next time, people. Thanks for dropping by CupAvenue.