Adrift and Ready to Sink

It isn't Friday as indicated in this blog post. It's Saturday and you should also know that a minute ago, I just deleted one post before I drafted this blog post. I read the blog before this (the one i deleted), and realized it isn't enough to describe what I really feel.

I know we all feel like this - we seem to vent things out in many possible ways we can - yet we realize that it isn't really enough to express what we feel. And we end up not getting the right mix of everything. You know..

So let me directly say this to someone, hoping that this second time, I can better this blog and fit it exactly to its container:

Dear You,

You have no idea how I want us together -- I could not say anything more. That statement alone tells you what I feel, what I believe, and how I want us to become. Right now, i want to directly tell you that I am filled with disbelief. For the first time, I thought this might not work. I am sorry to tell you that I have been really disappointed, and because of this, i think i need this time to think over what i really feel.

I became hardened with the hours of waiting, and I am deeply saddened about spending my Vacation Leave alone -- this, I feel because I intend to use that day to spend time with you.

I am sorry if I have to be like this - I shouldn't have expected alot. From the very beginning, I know I should have not expected and believed to every action you have showed me. This is because we aren't committed. Now, I don't even know if I have the right to feel sad and irritated. I have no right. Because after all, if we aren't "in a relationship", we are then both "single". And if you aren't mine, this means we're just friends.

We are simply friends.

Thank you. This dawned on me just now.