On Being (not) Alone

The past few days, there have been several times I thought to myself: I am such a pitiful young guy, who goes to work, then sleeps, and eventually wakes up alone in his pad, thinking of where to go, and drive to a distant coffee shop or restaurant, and make the most out of his afternoon either facebooking, or eating while wondering - "When will this loner mode end?"


Just exactly now, I am in the middle of people talking and laughing around while I am right here in a silent corner, sipping coffee. I am with my bestfriend, I call him "Super Junior", the powerful Vaio... a consolation to my lonely afternoon.

It's kind of hard to be alone. I've been texting friends to come along with me but they're either sleeping or broke, tired or busy. But that's no big deal. Because I know, I am NEVER ALONE.

Afternoons alone @Bo's coffee. 05.20.2011

While I'm alone, I think of distant memories. I think of people. I think of friends and family. I think of future, possibilities and plans. I think of someone who's very dear to me. I think of my blunders and how I learned from my the mistakes I have committed.

And then, I realized... after all, there's a streak of light in being alone. You become who you should become. You evaluate yourself and your life... later, you will end up with realizations that have never dawned on you since you became mature (if you have matured).

I feel consoled with all these things despite my being a loner these days. But what consoles me even more is the fact that I am never alone. I know there's someone who is with me in thoughts... that despite distance, we are one and together in mind (and heart). =)

The Great Poke

It started with a poke.


Poke seems so simple to do. It doesn't need alot of effort. But this blog did undergo alot of mind-crashing effort. It went through alot of scratch that this is, to be honest, the third draft I have created. I don't know why its always been hard for me to start a blog when I'm inlove. Perhaps, I just want it drafted specially, but i realized,superficiality does not work. It just needs a barrel of plain honesty - just like this.

I am inlove, and I know my friends have been really disappointed of me when I failed my 1 year and a half. This time, I am proud to say I got a new one after 3 months of waiting, 3 months of expectations that went failed, 3 months of longing, and 3 months of being adrift.

Now, I know there's a direction I am headed to - right beside the person I love whom I am very hopeful with.

Monotony has to stop right here. Relationships these days have always been as simple as poking - it's easy to grab, it's always there, wild and free. Getting a fast-paced dating is too rampant in my love archives. Perhaps, that's how alot of relationships go these days. This generation, you can find love easily than never before. This generation I am into has unfortunately lost the essence of patience and perseverance - the one similar to the 50s style - to achieve happiness in love. But now, you can find love by a simple click in Facebook, or by looking for faces and sites where you'd get a match in one click.

My new one, by the way, also came so easily like a poke. But enjoying the partnership will not be as fast as you might think.

My relationship now is totally different. I know I need to place double trusts, double perseverance, and double hardships before we both can achieve the peak of love - simply because we're thousands of miles apart.

This time, I have never been willing to take this chance and challenge ever before. I know this will be a little hard, but God intended this to start the hard way. Relationships should start the hard way, before it could take the summit. This is what i really need.

I grew tired of easy games, of meeting up and "like" each other then go right straight to commitment. I want to very well boil patience, understanding, and trust despite distance. Most especially, here's what she sent me over my inbox:

Our relationship is like culinary arts. You and I are chefs, we prepare the right recipe/ingredients in order for us to have a fantastic cuisine and even add a little spice to spice up our relationship, add a dash of fidelity, sprinkle some passion, and pour some LOVE.

We poked, and started poking before we finally came to this level. But this doesn't mean this relationship is going to end like a poke. Eventually, we will prove that bigger things come from small packages. The poking will significantly come a really long way because I never have had been reassured in my life like this. I have found a romantic partner, the greatest reassurance of all - someone who won't leave me, instead tread the directions to my path to make it possible for both our roads to meet.

Someone who has all the time encouraged me that THIS IS GOING TO WORK if we let it happen. Most importantly, someone who values me like how she values herself.

For the poker, you have no idea how much i love you. I know this is the start of something new. A start of something better and longer... a start of a lifetime. We will both make it until we finally get into the glorious day.

A Poem for Woo

Today
Joel S. Aba


Today, I officially ceased to expect
...that life offers best for those who deserve
...that life is fair and everything is constant;
...that everything magical never comes to an end.

Yes, I very well did know that too,
yet love had made me believe it so;
there aren't no doubts, no fear, no pain;
but now it left me scathed out in the rain

When you said you'd leave, you know I struggled to breathe;
I managed to smile to cover what was felt
Like a kite almost flown in the air but ceased,
and went spiral to the ground
Like death
Like sorrow
Just when a show close their curtains
But not like when spectators gaze in amazement
More like when audiences cry in sorrow
when the actors die and their spirit wave as they flow

When to start, and how, and where, but now?
When I have fallen completely in my eyes it's clear
vivid as crystals, vivid as it could ever be
...that I have now planted seeds and the life has come nearer to my sight
when the map has set a road for me, right now -- for my life

Going strong yet weaker
Going close but farther
Going robust yet not as what the mind perceives
not what the heart receives.

Goodbye lies ahead, I know I should free you--
but when, but how, but why, but now?

 ----For Woo.

The Light News -- We need it

News networks might have highlighted the beatification in Vatican and the seeming magical union of the royalties in London too much, I would say. But well, I can't blame them -- that's public interest and news should go for what is bankable and marketable to the audiences for them to thrive, well, financially.

Yet, these things are worth watching despite my being non-catholic, non-orthodox, and an antagonist to the unfairness of social levels. Though I fancy the thought of the realities of royalties ever since I had my real name changed to "The Rock Royalty" in the old Friendster then.

Really. There's too many good reasons to watch news today. First, it's public interest. Second, it's public interest. Third, it's still public interest. Aside from those three, I have come up with about 30 more reasons but I'd rather not discuss them. I'd like to get to the prime reason -- Simple. It's embedded on the next phrase. We - you and me - need light news.

And I need more of that.

I have been drowned too much the past weeks about depressing scenes flashing the TV, that if you have been slightly fainthearted, it will turn you officially fainthearted. In the end of the day, you'll end up getting frustrated over the superficiality of the news

Gripping. Saddening. Frustrating. Angst.Disaster. Danger. Sometimes sexual. Most, deadly -- I couldn't imagine all those words mixed together. So there were times I thought Willie Revillame has, somehow, a very specific reason to exist -- to twist the night. Let me talk a little about that.

Well, I guess that's a brilliant idea. We have been drowned with too much negativity in our news programs -- this is the core of the founding of TV5's "Willing-Willie" and their statement is quite convincing: "Why watch bad news when you can enjoy and feel good?" But seriously, I don't feel good seeing child abuse in primetime or anywhere else. Seriously. =)

Many times, I caught myself in anxiety, I can't stand the negativity of media. The news has adversely led and will continue leading us to one common thought -- that there's no hope at all in this cruel world. Everything is ill-fated and seeing these news items, we become inclined to believing that we are going inside a tunnel so dark we could be saved no more.

But there's a fact: God is alive. Everything that happens now -- the good and the bad -- I can safely say that he has plans in hand that all of us would not decipher.

Whether good news or bad meets us in the early morning tomorrow, let's just take it all in -- that's the reality of life. But let's not make all these a way for us to loosen or worst, lose our faith to Him. Let this not transform a negative but a positive instead: to turn our hearts closer to the God who controls the mix of everything.