On Being (not) Alone

The past few days, there have been several times I thought to myself: I am such a pitiful young guy, who goes to work, then sleeps, and eventually wakes up alone in his pad, thinking of where to go, and drive to a distant coffee shop or restaurant, and make the most out of his afternoon either facebooking, or eating while wondering - "When will this loner mode end?"


Just exactly now, I am in the middle of people talking and laughing around while I am right here in a silent corner, sipping coffee. I am with my bestfriend, I call him "Super Junior", the powerful Vaio... a consolation to my lonely afternoon.

It's kind of hard to be alone. I've been texting friends to come along with me but they're either sleeping or broke, tired or busy. But that's no big deal. Because I know, I am NEVER ALONE.

Afternoons alone @Bo's coffee. 05.20.2011

While I'm alone, I think of distant memories. I think of people. I think of friends and family. I think of future, possibilities and plans. I think of someone who's very dear to me. I think of my blunders and how I learned from my the mistakes I have committed.

And then, I realized... after all, there's a streak of light in being alone. You become who you should become. You evaluate yourself and your life... later, you will end up with realizations that have never dawned on you since you became mature (if you have matured).

I feel consoled with all these things despite my being a loner these days. But what consoles me even more is the fact that I am never alone. I know there's someone who is with me in thoughts... that despite distance, we are one and together in mind (and heart). =)

The Light News -- We need it

News networks might have highlighted the beatification in Vatican and the seeming magical union of the royalties in London too much, I would say. But well, I can't blame them -- that's public interest and news should go for what is bankable and marketable to the audiences for them to thrive, well, financially.

Yet, these things are worth watching despite my being non-catholic, non-orthodox, and an antagonist to the unfairness of social levels. Though I fancy the thought of the realities of royalties ever since I had my real name changed to "The Rock Royalty" in the old Friendster then.

Really. There's too many good reasons to watch news today. First, it's public interest. Second, it's public interest. Third, it's still public interest. Aside from those three, I have come up with about 30 more reasons but I'd rather not discuss them. I'd like to get to the prime reason -- Simple. It's embedded on the next phrase. We - you and me - need light news.

And I need more of that.

I have been drowned too much the past weeks about depressing scenes flashing the TV, that if you have been slightly fainthearted, it will turn you officially fainthearted. In the end of the day, you'll end up getting frustrated over the superficiality of the news

Gripping. Saddening. Frustrating. Angst.Disaster. Danger. Sometimes sexual. Most, deadly -- I couldn't imagine all those words mixed together. So there were times I thought Willie Revillame has, somehow, a very specific reason to exist -- to twist the night. Let me talk a little about that.

Well, I guess that's a brilliant idea. We have been drowned with too much negativity in our news programs -- this is the core of the founding of TV5's "Willing-Willie" and their statement is quite convincing: "Why watch bad news when you can enjoy and feel good?" But seriously, I don't feel good seeing child abuse in primetime or anywhere else. Seriously. =)

Many times, I caught myself in anxiety, I can't stand the negativity of media. The news has adversely led and will continue leading us to one common thought -- that there's no hope at all in this cruel world. Everything is ill-fated and seeing these news items, we become inclined to believing that we are going inside a tunnel so dark we could be saved no more.

But there's a fact: God is alive. Everything that happens now -- the good and the bad -- I can safely say that he has plans in hand that all of us would not decipher.

Whether good news or bad meets us in the early morning tomorrow, let's just take it all in -- that's the reality of life. But let's not make all these a way for us to loosen or worst, lose our faith to Him. Let this not transform a negative but a positive instead: to turn our hearts closer to the God who controls the mix of everything.

Realizations from 1 year and a half =)

You, readers, might have seen the obvious change i created on this blog. I changed it to a fresh and simpler look - so simple that you can't see anything but a few icons, bars, and words placed properly intact. At this time, I'm going to find ways to personalize this a little (probably a huge photo in the background would help) for marketability to blogworld. =)

At this point of the year, I know I am more than ready to make a blog to close the archives - expose a rundown of realizations that dawned on me in the "a-year-and-a-half relationship" I closed 2 months ago.

I care not if people tell me, "You're not over it," for making this post. At least I know that right inside my heart - even to the outskirts of it - I know I am done with it... even faster than what i thought.


Here are the tidbits I'd like to share for you today:

POINT 1: NOT all seemingly fairytale start finishes in a fantasy-like close-curtains. Movies aren't similar to relationships. In movies, writers control the ending of a story. Unlike Disney's where every struggle, however cosmic it had all turned out, all ends up in a "happily ever after". However, relationships do not at all end with a similar fate. Holes are around - you can't see it and you can fall anytime to a bunch of shit.

POINT 2: Both ends can tie if they make it possible. Conciliation can be done by two through compromise. However, if one party fails to submit to conciliation, that is where worse becomes worst.

POINT 3: Never leave an issue unresolved. If it's resolved, bury it to hell. Pain can hide in the interstices of the mind, worst, the heart. It may show a facade of recovery, but there will come a time, more so if a similar issue goes back to the picture, the hidden unresolved issues meddles in its weight and even more blocks reconciliation and compromise.

POINT 4: Reassure the partner (Tap a partner's back). This, I have done so many times. Yet, I was never reassured and that was one of the reasons why things have all failed. Relationship is a set of chapters and chapters of reassurance. Like plants, it dies when it's not fed. The other one is to appreciate every little thing your partner does for you or for others. It feels deeper when appreciation comes from a partner.

Most importantly...

POINT 5: There's the positive. Sometimes, we need to hurt someone just so we can find our path - something very brillaint Ricci Larena-Pacana shared to me yesterday. We need to be hurt not just to make us strong, but so that we can find the person - the right person for us.

It won't matter how magical it was, won't matter how long you have been together - what matters is wether you are for each other. =)

That, i now sense was a good riddance. Indeed, a good riddance. Thanks Heavens!

Lifeless.

I would straightforwardly say that I have lost all my energy and motivation to write a blog... just as I lost a very important person in my life.

I am expected to post the most lonely post the next few days, and I don't know if there is ever someone who would care reading this blog. I feel like I am going to truly abandon this writing hub, the CupAvenue, that has always become my avenue to expose my feelings (other than self-talk).

My life seems to stand hopeless. If you go to archives, and see the posts dated August or November, you would see a man of thrill, love, and excitement.


I lost all of them recently.

I have lost all hope in my search for true love. I thought my life has been secured to a person I have loved like no other. I grieved, and that's basically why I was not able to post a blog for awhile. Now that I am a little relieved, I am assured I could somehow post a content to this disregarded blog.

Just like my previous post, I still keep asking, "Where will I start?". I never know how, when, and where. It's all vague here. I am alone.

Yes, the answer lies in there - I should start from myself. It is where I know I can be happy, and i know i can be more than contented.

Who is the one for me? I never know. Whoever you are, please come soon... or please, be back soon.

In Retrospect

You won't believe where I am at this point of time.

It's new year,12:30 (Philippine Time) exactly, the first day of the year. Just awhile ago, I was alone, outside of this building where I am looking at fireworks display left and right. I don't basically know where to go. My phone is off, and battery is empty (I'm afraid this means bad luck for 2011).

Been texting special people before the battery finally died down, but no one replied except one - my mother greeting me a happy new year. Just there, I remember my homeplace, in Tanjay, where at this moment, I know, they are greeting each other a happy new year and feasting with good food served on our table.

I should be there, I told myself. I should be sitting down our car at home, blowing the horn and making noise just like what I usually do; I should hear the sound of the chapel bell, just a walk away from our house, and see my father preparing grains of rice, fresh water, and coins placed outside our house (a traditional, old way of starting the new year).

But life has changed this year. I may not be able to do the same usual things I do 365 days ago. I should only celebrate Christmas and New year in my workplace. Now, I am treading on a different path. God has givne me enormous successes and learning - even if I never asked for it.

Just last year...

...I was in celebration of love and life. I was head-over-heels. Yet being too much into it, I became dumb. Just later after that, I was in pain of knowing a very special person in my heart cheated on me; and there were too many rocks and stones I have surpassed, rocky hills and slippery curves I have maneuvered with. I have released all my pain through tears, as I remember, and forgiveness was what I have only given. I decided to live happily.

...I was going to school and studying my lessons with the hope of getting good grades. I was still walking in the pathways of the university with my books and photocopies at hand.

...I was saddened with the fact that I could not graduate. I planned to work and attempt to juggle work and school at the same time. Just months after that, I applied to the call center and got accepted. Took calls for a couple of weeks and POOF! became a technical trainer after an interview and assessment... quite a long jump.

...I finally embraced the world of employment, and took a 360-degree turn from being an active and exposed student reporter/journalist (slash) host, into a call center trainer. I have learned this year through the position the value of responsibility and comprehending even more to meet what is expected of you.

...I was proving myself I can do it, and I was given another position. It was a step higher than the previous one and it was given to me only after very few months of working. I became obliged to be the subject-matter expert - a specialty skills trainer.

...I have proven that I can sing (well, well) and made it to the finals of the center's singing competition - our local, duplicate version of the applauded American Idol. I weathered elimination rounds and I finally grabbed the chance to sing in front of a sea of people, and ended up 4th place.

... got hatched and hastened forcibly to meet my objectives, and realized that there are people who are not easy to satisfy. Instead, they pull you down, they discriminate you - and sadly, they are just around the corners of my workplace.

...I learned that there are to many things to learn and ponder on. There is a limitless possibility for me, and all I can do is to grab it!

...Love is unexpected. Unexpected turns can happen in a blink of an eye, and I should be on guard.

...I have now learned that I am capable of loving, and I give it very selflessly.

but I learned that there's someone I should love more than anything else to give balance and fairness to my life. He is the person who could love me better, aside from Jesus, who understands more than how anyone could.


This year 2011, I should learn to better love MY SELF.

Today, the World is in my head.

I am writing this blog in the wee hours of the morning, exactly 1:10 am (as I start typing). Boarding house at Villa Mariano - exact place. A 1.5 liter coke, and plastics from eaten burger around my table, some small plastic cups we have shared with my sister who is at this exact moment, snoozing her butt.

Television switched to channel 2, and just turned all blue after the closing anthem about 1 minute ago. All I can hear is the sound of two small ceiling fans connected from ceiling, making a sound. Rolling, spinning. One above my bed, the other, on my sister's.

The rain just stopped pouring down, and I have exhausted all sites. Eyes' a bit tired.

At the moment, while thinking of words to fill here, the television suddenly turned off. It was probably switched to sleep mode. I heard the smooth but annoying sound of a cat near the jealousy. My sister is still completely dozed off and buried to her bed.

I'm a bit hungry but I feel drowsier than hungry.


I am thinking now. How and what is the other side of the world doing? It's 1:23 PM in Eastern Standard Time. The streets are probably busy and people are hurriedly walking. The huge buildings there might be full and busy. Many people at the moment might be enjoying Disneyland. Some might be feeling starved. They might be walking to look for good food.

They are probably thinking about someone. Something. Some problems. Some events. Some people. Some memories.

Some of them must be heartbroken. They are probably thinking of dying. Some are wasted, they have consumed more than enough to feel numbed. They must be calling their friends. Some might be relaxing, and thinking exactly what I think. They must be thinking about me, but does not know exactly who I am.


There must be some people running somewhere in this world. They must be running for their lives. Someone in this large world must be, right now, writing a blog similar to this one. Some people, at this very time the clock ticks, are dying... or must have died. Some people must be in grief because of loss. How sad. How many of them are grieving? How many of them are at fear?

But there must be newly-born babies - they just came out!

Some of them must do something very important right now, and must have forgotten something.
There must be someone thinking about me. How many are they? It must be Zero.

Some of them must be building relationships. They must be making love.

But how many people exactly are making love at the moment?

But how many people pray?

How many people are dying to look for food?

How does the world look exactly from outer space?

There must be an Earth somewhere. There must be another person like me there. He must be writing a blog in his world too! He must also be inspired. But he might not be sleepy. We have a different planetary system.

How small am I compared with the world?

But what is God doing right now?

He must be busy looking after the people. But how can he manage that? No. He's just powerful.

How many hairs do I exactly have now?

And.. when will... I die?

I can't help but think. Today, the world is in my head.

A Macroblog of the "Haven't Written"

I realized (just now) how situations balloon in just a month or two. They happen as they happen and sometimes, you miss writing them to at least save a memory. You sometimes think - I should have blogged this out! Why haven't I?

Thus, a Macroblog. =)

There are too many things that left their remembrance along the road, in the tip of your coffee table and you have somehow let them pass. I myself have let them vanish as the new page flip the next day. I sometimes wish everyday has its automatic record-tracker: it happens, it writes itself down. So here in the Avenue, I'd write down three blogs in a nutshell: The birthday in Sickbed, The Tragedy of the Year, and The Call Center Life.

FIRST CUP: My 21st Birthday (The Birthday in Sick Bed) - Ooops! I seemed to have missed a big portion in this Avenue. I should have said even just a small phrase that contain my hopes and dreams for my 21st year ahead. But wait, should I have second thoughts?

Many people often think their birthday is not worth telling. They simply believe spilling out your birthday, worst, birthyear, is like jumping in a pond of mud - you let yourself become a laughing object of the day!

But as for me, there's nothing as nice as someone telling you their hopes for your birthday - even when you've grown really old. Nothing to hide. I'm 21. All I have been wanting though, was to reach this age, and become a fully grown professional - and that is peeling itself to reality!

On my 21st year, I have told myself: You-are-so-freakin'-good! Be bad sometimes. =)

SECOND CUP: The Tragedy of the Year - Though this phrase may sound like an award for emmy's, this is nothing entertaining or feel-good to the ears. It was the worst day I have, I was emotionally disturbed, and almost fell my bed when I was seeing the tragedy fall from my very eyes on television.

There have been too many writings on the net (and too many videos, in fact) about the hostage crisis in manila, but there are only two strong points I can say: First, these things happen. And this one that has just happened makes the Philippines a no-exemption. Just like other countries in the world, we unfortunately have an evil everywhere, manipulating people in the most tragic way they can.

Next, these are things we should only learn from. But that case will not spring up as learning if there is nobody owning the responsibility of the aftermath. Someone should raise a hand and acknowledge a sin, and not constantly pinpoint people to avoid criticism.

Amid all these, I fervently pray that the Lord guide us through in preventing all these from happening.

THIRD CUP: So This is What They Call "Call Center Life" - I have long been planning of a major major macroblog for this, but time just won't allow me to draft. For the sake of this, I can finally say that I have fully embraced call center life - the life I have never dreamed of in college days.

I had too many negative impressions of a call center when I was 19 years old. I came to the point of thinking that applying for a call center means narrowing my life span to only 10 years. The world has created mental meatballs of the words "call center" as a job of stress, emotional pain, technicalities, sleepless nights, insomnia, worst, AIDS!


But call center is not as bad as I thought. I may have only experienced a month of taking calls, I could conclude that the agent - himself - will create his own description of a call center.

But nothing is as fun as this job - and that tells everybody that I am enjoying every step of the way. I may not stay in a call center as trainer/supervisor for 5 to 10 years, but this one is the job I would constantly owe my life with. I have truly learned!

The Major (major) Mistake

Venus Raj's question created Ms. Philippines' major mistake in life after failing to answer a question in front of a million entertained audience, hopeful Filipinos. But any excuse could be considered - US President Bush had not even answered that question... But now that the pageant's fever took a lower level, Raj's question is not addressed to her alone. We now think over our previous experiences and we answer them as if we were on her shoes.

What was our great mistake?

My mistakes in life were countless. Most of which were minor and irrelevant. One was when I posted a picture on a website and realized there was no way to delete it. I hosted a pageant and I was too late, I was jittery, and was not able to handle the crowd well. I learned from it and did my best to correct them after the next possible opportunity.

As I write this one, I also remembered I failed to graduate at the time expected because of a mistake. I failed to give much attention to matters that could affect my life greatly, rather sought for happiness from other people.

But if asked about what my gravest mistake was, there is only one thing I could recall. That was when I invested my time to the wrong people and to the wrong time.

There are too many mistakes to mention. The truth is: though we commit mistakes, nobody in this earth would ever collect a timepiece of mistakes! It is not that we do not want to answer such a question for reasons that we never admit mistakes.

Truth is, humans have the nature to never think of previous mistakes.

We live in everyday to correct previous mistakes and burn them in our thoughts one at a time. We strive not to commit mistakes but to look forward. We all are given the chance, in everyday, to correct previous mistakes since time immemorial.

We might just be doomed to this.

You should brace yourself now. Your mind should have been conditioned with possibilities now: You'll wake up one day and see yourself handing this 500-bill to the nearest kahera.. Question is.. are you ready to face that day?

You might presume I am against any Aquino after having supported a non-winnable candidate the previous election. Friends think I will eventually become an antagonist to a government all these years... and most especially that I am not for the yellow candidate since Month 1, week 1, day 1.

But tell you, I am not. Honestly, I have figured out the positive side of Noynoy... but wait, it did not come out naturally. I JUST TRIED.

There is no choice after all, and there is definitely no chance and hope with still trying to push reality to imagery and fight for a non-winnable candidate until now. To make it simple, we should - despite negative feelings - succumb to one strong and hopeful government.

I, afterall, see the vivifying sincerity and passion from the present president. This line, after all the rage and madness in the elections is all I can say: This blog is too late (I saw this saved on drafts) and I just our country could wake up from the reality that we have been left way too far now. And there needs action.

I am antagonist college guy no more. Not until this present government shakes my patience like it always did before.
We are all doomed to this. We are doomed to succumb to the present government, we are doomed to follow what the majority thinks is right. In the end of roads, we hope.

I'm half full, half empty.

I never thought that life would change as quickly as this. It were like days passed, and i was scanning photocopies with the hope to pass my final exams. It were only like days passed, when we were so happy and everything feels fine. It was a free life - i log in my facebook account and feel really light about everything going on with my life.

Now, you can see me with a casual attire, with a facade of a professional. You will see me going inside the office of a call center, with a greater confidence of myself. And in the wee hours of the morning, you will see me buried in the bedsheets... snoring.

This MAY be the life i want to live with - being instantly promoted three levels upward only after 3 weeks of training, being the youngest of a group of technical trainers, and will soon train future call center agents even with only 2 weeks of call center experience. This road has caused my family utmost happiness for this will soon be of big help to them.


But i don't understand why this random acts of fate has caused my life to be half full, half empty.

With the success I am experiencing at work, certain issues have been constantly striking me. It's pulling me down... and i feel demotivated everytime. I don't know if this should be the pain that is the cost of the good status i have at work. Or maybe, life really has to be pulled down when you're pushed up.

I don't know why when everything seems to work between us, things go spiral and eventually sink instantly just because of a small issue that has suddenly turned big. And because of this, i am in deepest despair everyday for an act that was not meant to be, for a forgiveness someone has to accept, and for a trust that has to be re-planted for a cause. Aside from that, i want to treated fairly, and i want to be treated the way i must be treated.

I fear i'm not seeing love anymore. I don't think someone is showing love anymore. I see acts of being mean and rude. Things have changed. I fear i might not be happy anymore. Because surely, as of this time, I am not.

Truly, not everything is constant and permanent. At the end of the day, there's only one way to go - the recesses of the silence of prayer. By then, i wish my glass is full.

Excitements in full swing.

I haven't been this excited ever, I don't know why. The past days have proven that I am such a shithead - i can't help myself. There literally are a bunch of reasons to be excited about this November and December. There's the Christmas, my mother's birthday, my special one's birthday, The State University Founder's Day and my hosting stint(s) that time, and a lot more.

But i won't mention all of those here in this post. But enlisted herein are just some of the excitements that break me down right now.

FIRST STOP: Well if you ask every Dumagueteno what's something exciting in town, there is but only two words: Robinsons Dumaguete. Here's a latest photo posted in the internet:


The mall is slated to open on Monday, November 23, brushing elbows with the Dumaguete Fiesta celebration on the 25th (If i'm not mistaken). This mall is said to be "the first full-service shopping mall in the province of Negros Oriental," according to Robinsons manager, and is said to give Dumaguetenos a different and new "night life.... and a world-class shopping experience."

Oooh, so interesting. Robinsons Dumaguete will also have more surprises in store such as a pleasant-looking al fresco, located at the back portion of the mall. =)


SECOND STOP: After several months of planning and brainstorming, we finally laid everything down to its finality - the finality of one of my several dreams in my life -- being an events manager.

Together with Foundation University Hospitality Management adviser, Christine (my sister) and her two other comrades from her field; Alton Jave Tenorio, Killerbee jock and Weekly Sillimanian News editor and events host, the most ambitious undertaking i ever had in my life has come: The EVENTS Dumaguete!

For Events and hosting services, contact 0939-185-3844.

To Whom it may Concern

"For some people, the best way to hide homosexuality
is to act homosexually.
Laugh at it. Jive with it until it covers up.
Because they simply know reverse psychology...
but sorry guy,not a very brilliant idea."

What a Talent! (Cup One)

If you think you've got talent, think again.

....cause you are about to find out that saying "having a talent" is way far from this "REAL Talent" of Ukraine, Kseniya Simonova. Take a peek at this amazing artwork of Ukraine's got talent 2009 Grand Champion who took the world wide web by storm! The video of the other equally talented contender of Seminova will be posted here in CupAvenue soon.

My eyes are cleared

"Could it be the reason?" I surmised as we walked with a group of friends that stressful day. "Well, if he says it, It's okay. As my book suggests, It's a small stuff," I continued. "But If he says it," I blurted, "I confirm it fully... he's indeed a faggot."

And yes, he did. He did a not-so-manly remark that day. It was something a straight man could not do, or maybe not care about. And it didn't happen once during my moments of careful observation. And that remark is not my only basis.
Many times WE have always questioned his manliness - in his back. There were many of us in fact. But no one could dare ask him. Our former close friends who already graduated have aired their doubts. My sister even asked me once. Many of my close friends who know him did and I did, too. But again, no one could tell him. And who would? Who would dare ask a kind of question to someone who has been too good to you? Can you ask it straightly to his face? I couldn't. We couldn't.

He's silent today, he's loud tomorrow. Most times, he jibes with men... The voice defies, but the interests couldn't. He's different. His stories of his relationships to women are still in mid-air, flowing in dubious whiffs of smoke. From ideas to acts, from his walking to the flow of conversation... I just can't help but question. And when the colors show off, my group of friends, with just one wink and silly smile from me, gets it. And then, we question.

"His laugh shows it," one blurts out. "No, he's threatened with gays, and that's what gays do," one rebuts. "Yes, he's awkward with other guys," one airs. And the questions go longer and longer and I cut it with a remark, "when we question, there's a 99% possibility." It is not necessary for a man to have a relationship to the same sex to be called gay.
And yes, the issue ended there. But there's nothing wrong with asking ourselves. Poeple ask when there's a need to ask. We ask the government if we see signs of injustice. We asked our parents in our confusion stages then. And I don't think, that at this time, questioning one's sexuality in a private conversation is an act of defaming a person, or maligning one as an individual. We are free from being penalized for such conversations. And I never think God has called questioning a sin.

But that stressful day proved me. His remark were like a big Yeses pointed on my very ears. The remark I'm saying remains controversial. But I'm not bitter nor did i feel ashamed from that remark or act. I still respect people regardless of sexuality or how they've tried and reeled toward being a man... even if they fully can't. It's their life, it's their happiness.

But that fateful incident sure did extinguished my doubts. And now, I doubt and question no more...

Twenty.

July 28,1989. 12:03 pm - 20 long years ago.

But 20 years after that fateful date, was a struggling man who couldn't even face the reality of being "bente".

Twenty. Sadly for me, this fresh start with that "2" digit in my age is something i dreaded since then. It's true. I kind of hated it... yet it's a bittersweet feeling turning 20 and leaving that 19th stair, and the moment i finally took a step to the next stair and accepting my 20th was piercing. But I know its not just because i'll have to leave the teenage ... but maybe because of how my bully-looking yet silenced father, Jaime, reacted after realizing that his youngest son is turning 20. We talked...

"What's the plan sa birthday pa?" I asked.
"Pila na diay imo edad?" my 65-year old dad asked me back.
I showed that pouting sad lips and said, "twenty!"
And he exclaimed with that big vice that seemed to me a command...
"Sus! Gulang naman diay ka! Sige raman ka'g binata!

from that moment on, the lines perhaps triggered me to take the first step toward seriousness or perhaps, just a new level of extra-strength (like the infamous "Ultapas nga halang" lols) and a new set of extra-miles.

But yes, it's high time to take responsibilities with determination and seriousness - two words that will hopefully compel me to move even further as a 20-year old guy... (sound seems hair-raising. awoo!)

Teenage will be the best part of life... a fact never to be extinguished yet a fact that makes the whole thing bitter - and knowing that i can never call my self a "teen" again, as i was always proud of to my friends (my friends are mostly in their 20s anyway), notwithstanding the many traynta-on friends i have.

But i shouldn't fret. Ever year is a blessing and a whole new field to tread on. Now, I should have to constantly remind myself with these lines: teenage has to pass, this stage simply has to come... and there's no stopping now.

So then, let acceptance reign on me. whatever!


(Special Thanks t Junrell Calunod for the layout of my birthday wallpaper)