My eyes are cleared

"Could it be the reason?" I surmised as we walked with a group of friends that stressful day. "Well, if he says it, It's okay. As my book suggests, It's a small stuff," I continued. "But If he says it," I blurted, "I confirm it fully... he's indeed a faggot."

And yes, he did. He did a not-so-manly remark that day. It was something a straight man could not do, or maybe not care about. And it didn't happen once during my moments of careful observation. And that remark is not my only basis.
Many times WE have always questioned his manliness - in his back. There were many of us in fact. But no one could dare ask him. Our former close friends who already graduated have aired their doubts. My sister even asked me once. Many of my close friends who know him did and I did, too. But again, no one could tell him. And who would? Who would dare ask a kind of question to someone who has been too good to you? Can you ask it straightly to his face? I couldn't. We couldn't.

He's silent today, he's loud tomorrow. Most times, he jibes with men... The voice defies, but the interests couldn't. He's different. His stories of his relationships to women are still in mid-air, flowing in dubious whiffs of smoke. From ideas to acts, from his walking to the flow of conversation... I just can't help but question. And when the colors show off, my group of friends, with just one wink and silly smile from me, gets it. And then, we question.

"His laugh shows it," one blurts out. "No, he's threatened with gays, and that's what gays do," one rebuts. "Yes, he's awkward with other guys," one airs. And the questions go longer and longer and I cut it with a remark, "when we question, there's a 99% possibility." It is not necessary for a man to have a relationship to the same sex to be called gay.
And yes, the issue ended there. But there's nothing wrong with asking ourselves. Poeple ask when there's a need to ask. We ask the government if we see signs of injustice. We asked our parents in our confusion stages then. And I don't think, that at this time, questioning one's sexuality in a private conversation is an act of defaming a person, or maligning one as an individual. We are free from being penalized for such conversations. And I never think God has called questioning a sin.

But that stressful day proved me. His remark were like a big Yeses pointed on my very ears. The remark I'm saying remains controversial. But I'm not bitter nor did i feel ashamed from that remark or act. I still respect people regardless of sexuality or how they've tried and reeled toward being a man... even if they fully can't. It's their life, it's their happiness.

But that fateful incident sure did extinguished my doubts. And now, I doubt and question no more...