If Only it's Like Call Center

When I was 17, I can almost remember how ecstatic I was thinking of becoming old. 25, 27, 30 were my ideal numbers. At that age, If I could only use a time traveler, I might have jumped way older and I should be happier.

But not today. At this time, while I'm 21, I now constantly wish to go back my 20th year - active, alert, and mind you, better looking. LOL. That wish came to me like a rocket so fast when I looked in the mirror and saw myself getting old.

I have never had a close friend younger than I except Michelle. I loved hanging around with my male friends aged 25 or in their 30s. And wow, they were smart, experienced, and were advisers. The best adviser I have was a nurse/teacher. He was, if i'm not mistaken, 34 years old. During those days of grief in love, he was my constant breather. He'd tell me of the best solution to problems like a mature man - a man who never let's anyone turn him down.

The best mature advice that dawned on me? He had made me realize that pretty face does not matter, thus, I should recover from all those failed relationships I have from the 'pretty faces.' What matters is partnership and commitment.. and it's just hard to get faithfulness from partners whose physique fits your "ideal". =)

Pretty nice realization.

During my broken heart days, I wished to be like him - one who could easily recover. Resistant. Fights hurt feelings like a wrestler. I wished to be mature - to be in 20s or 30s!

But things suddenly turned different. After a day's work, I faced the mirror and realized I am indeed getting old. I looked at the difference between my teenage and the present. I thought that along with the maturity I have wished for, is a depreciation of your physical body - a change that could not be undone.

Now that I'm 21, and having found the longest-running partner I have in life, I wish not to be mature anymore. I wish the other extreme - to become even younger. I am now surrounded with mature people - people who talk about families, kids, sex, money, stress, and serious work. I missed the college talks - the acquaintances, the campings, the events, and friendships.

I want to step back and return time, and be able to fully enjoy the thrill of teenage and college. If it's only like our call center - we could 'backdate' and 'activate without payment', undo the damage and reactivate something that has gone dead.

In the call center, we can make changes to errors and end up with a happy resolution - EVERYTIME. But becoming mature does not guarantee that. You become old and need to face it. Your face will soon alter the glimmer, and you will think differently.