When I was 17, did I know this would happen?

It's March 12, 2011. Bad news is all around the web and TV but I prefer to give less care knowing that God can take care of it through my prayers. I also don't want to add the heaviness of my thoughts and emotions. That's who I am, so accept it. I prefer to be apathetic just for now.

I was scanning my blogs here in my site and my oldest, abandoned Friendster blogs (click here to see it) where my oldest post dated 2006 still survive amidst earthquakes and tsunami. I was then, 17 years old. While scanning, I realized that I have been blogging for years. It's been years that I seriously use the web, and such routine has become more of an emotional need than just lifestyle.

Today, if I have to open a new page for a new post here in my blog, I would rant about how sad I am, how unfortunate I have become, how I need love at this time, and questions may arise about how am I going to cope with the struggles. But I decided not to.

There's too much hurt inside of me, it paralyzed my daily routines. Hurt came to a point of numbness. I got tired of running for, and writing about pain. There is too much of it - I have grown weary. I don't want you, readers, to become victims of boredom and redundancy,

ENOUGH. Tears already blogged it for me. =)


Instead of staying in a sad corner of my room and do all drama in this world, I remained positive. Then just today, a light came to me. I realized that in the history of my blogging, I blogged too much about finding a partner, then breaking up, then finding another one. But amazingly, the oldest blog that I written - the oldest the web could trace - (since I have been blogging since 2004) marked no sadness, no depression. In fact, it was not all about search for love. Nothing about the damn love.

It feels amazing that the oldest blog I wrote when I 17 years old actually taught me about moving on. It's entitled, "The Road Leads Here,". I grabbed a screenshot from that blog. I told myself:


I can't believe that the 17-year old "Joel" could advice the 21-year old "Joel" of today. There, I also wrote the comforting lines:

I learned from my oldest blog post the most remarkable line no one has given me. That is moving on with the thought of thanksgiving, that everything I experienced in my 1 year and 6 months relationship - all the happiness and sadness, romances and laughters, hugs and kisses, stress and depressions, fights and reconciliations, bonding and never ending jokes, pains and healing, embarrassments we often laugh at, companionship we shared, and all the stories - are all but experiences that will build me up to becoming a better individual, and a soon better partner.

Just how I ended the oldest blog I wrote almost 5 years ago, I would end this blog with these lines:

("The Road Leads Here" Royalty Tribune, December 2006 post: click here)