When I was 17, I can almost remember how ecstatic I was thinking of becoming old. 25, 27, 30 were my ideal numbers. At that age, If I could only use a time traveler, I might have jumped way older and I should be happier.
But not today. At this time, while I'm 21, I now constantly wish to go back my 20th year - active, alert, and mind you, better looking. LOL. That wish came to me like a rocket so fast when I looked in the mirror and saw myself getting old.
I have never had a close friend younger than I except Michelle. I loved hanging around with my male friends aged 25 or in their 30s. And wow, they were smart, experienced, and were advisers. The best adviser I have was a nurse/teacher. He was, if i'm not mistaken, 34 years old. During those days of grief in love, he was my constant breather. He'd tell me of the best solution to problems like a mature man - a man who never let's anyone turn him down.
The best mature advice that dawned on me? He had made me realize that pretty face does not matter, thus, I should recover from all those failed relationships I have from the 'pretty faces.' What matters is partnership and commitment.. and it's just hard to get faithfulness from partners whose physique fits your "ideal". =)
Pretty nice realization.
During my broken heart days, I wished to be like him - one who could easily recover. Resistant. Fights hurt feelings like a wrestler. I wished to be mature - to be in 20s or 30s!
But things suddenly turned different. After a day's work, I faced the mirror and realized I am indeed getting old. I looked at the difference between my teenage and the present. I thought that along with the maturity I have wished for, is a depreciation of your physical body - a change that could not be undone.
Now that I'm 21, and having found the longest-running partner I have in life, I wish not to be mature anymore. I wish the other extreme - to become even younger. I am now surrounded with mature people - people who talk about families, kids, sex, money, stress, and serious work. I missed the college talks - the acquaintances, the campings, the events, and friendships.
I want to step back and return time, and be able to fully enjoy the thrill of teenage and college. If it's only like our call center - we could 'backdate' and 'activate without payment', undo the damage and reactivate something that has gone dead.
In the call center, we can make changes to errors and end up with a happy resolution - EVERYTIME. But becoming mature does not guarantee that. You become old and need to face it. Your face will soon alter the glimmer, and you will think differently.
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
Friday, December 31, 2010
In Retrospect
You won't believe where I am at this point of time.
It's new year,12:30 (Philippine Time) exactly, the first day of the year. Just awhile ago, I was alone, outside of this building where I am looking at fireworks display left and right. I don't basically know where to go. My phone is off, and battery is empty (I'm afraid this means bad luck for 2011).
Been texting special people before the battery finally died down, but no one replied except one - my mother greeting me a happy new year. Just there, I remember my homeplace, in Tanjay, where at this moment, I know, they are greeting each other a happy new year and feasting with good food served on our table.
I should be there, I told myself. I should be sitting down our car at home, blowing the horn and making noise just like what I usually do; I should hear the sound of the chapel bell, just a walk away from our house, and see my father preparing grains of rice, fresh water, and coins placed outside our house (a traditional, old way of starting the new year).
But life has changed this year. I may not be able to do the same usual things I do 365 days ago. I should only celebrate Christmas and New year in my workplace. Now, I am treading on a different path. God has givne me enormous successes and learning - even if I never asked for it.
Just last year...
...I was in celebration of love and life. I was head-over-heels. Yet being too much into it, I became dumb. Just later after that, I was in pain of knowing a very special person in my heart cheated on me; and there were too many rocks and stones I have surpassed, rocky hills and slippery curves I have maneuvered with. I have released all my pain through tears, as I remember, and forgiveness was what I have only given. I decided to live happily.
...I was going to school and studying my lessons with the hope of getting good grades. I was still walking in the pathways of the university with my books and photocopies at hand.
...I was saddened with the fact that I could not graduate. I planned to work and attempt to juggle work and school at the same time. Just months after that, I applied to the call center and got accepted. Took calls for a couple of weeks and POOF! became a technical trainer after an interview and assessment... quite a long jump.
...I finally embraced the world of employment, and took a 360-degree turn from being an active and exposed student reporter/journalist (slash) host, into a call center trainer. I have learned this year through the position the value of responsibility and comprehending even more to meet what is expected of you.
...I was proving myself I can do it, and I was given another position. It was a step higher than the previous one and it was given to me only after very few months of working. I became obliged to be the subject-matter expert - a specialty skills trainer.
...I have proven that I can sing (well, well) and made it to the finals of the center's singing competition - our local, duplicate version of the applauded American Idol. I weathered elimination rounds and I finally grabbed the chance to sing in front of a sea of people, and ended up 4th place.
... got hatched and hastened forcibly to meet my objectives, and realized that there are people who are not easy to satisfy. Instead, they pull you down, they discriminate you - and sadly, they are just around the corners of my workplace.
...I learned that there are to many things to learn and ponder on. There is a limitless possibility for me, and all I can do is to grab it!
...Love is unexpected. Unexpected turns can happen in a blink of an eye, and I should be on guard.
...I have now learned that I am capable of loving, and I give it very selflessly.
but I learned that there's someone I should love more than anything else to give balance and fairness to my life. He is the person who could love me better, aside from Jesus, who understands more than how anyone could.
This year 2011, I should learn to better love MY SELF.
It's new year,12:30 (Philippine Time) exactly, the first day of the year. Just awhile ago, I was alone, outside of this building where I am looking at fireworks display left and right. I don't basically know where to go. My phone is off, and battery is empty (I'm afraid this means bad luck for 2011).
Been texting special people before the battery finally died down, but no one replied except one - my mother greeting me a happy new year. Just there, I remember my homeplace, in Tanjay, where at this moment, I know, they are greeting each other a happy new year and feasting with good food served on our table.
I should be there, I told myself. I should be sitting down our car at home, blowing the horn and making noise just like what I usually do; I should hear the sound of the chapel bell, just a walk away from our house, and see my father preparing grains of rice, fresh water, and coins placed outside our house (a traditional, old way of starting the new year).
But life has changed this year. I may not be able to do the same usual things I do 365 days ago. I should only celebrate Christmas and New year in my workplace. Now, I am treading on a different path. God has givne me enormous successes and learning - even if I never asked for it.
Just last year...
...I was in celebration of love and life. I was head-over-heels. Yet being too much into it, I became dumb. Just later after that, I was in pain of knowing a very special person in my heart cheated on me; and there were too many rocks and stones I have surpassed, rocky hills and slippery curves I have maneuvered with. I have released all my pain through tears, as I remember, and forgiveness was what I have only given. I decided to live happily.
...I was going to school and studying my lessons with the hope of getting good grades. I was still walking in the pathways of the university with my books and photocopies at hand.
...I was saddened with the fact that I could not graduate. I planned to work and attempt to juggle work and school at the same time. Just months after that, I applied to the call center and got accepted. Took calls for a couple of weeks and POOF! became a technical trainer after an interview and assessment... quite a long jump.
...I finally embraced the world of employment, and took a 360-degree turn from being an active and exposed student reporter/journalist (slash) host, into a call center trainer. I have learned this year through the position the value of responsibility and comprehending even more to meet what is expected of you.
...I was proving myself I can do it, and I was given another position. It was a step higher than the previous one and it was given to me only after very few months of working. I became obliged to be the subject-matter expert - a specialty skills trainer.
...I have proven that I can sing (well, well) and made it to the finals of the center's singing competition - our local, duplicate version of the applauded American Idol. I weathered elimination rounds and I finally grabbed the chance to sing in front of a sea of people, and ended up 4th place.
... got hatched and hastened forcibly to meet my objectives, and realized that there are people who are not easy to satisfy. Instead, they pull you down, they discriminate you - and sadly, they are just around the corners of my workplace.
...I learned that there are to many things to learn and ponder on. There is a limitless possibility for me, and all I can do is to grab it!
...Love is unexpected. Unexpected turns can happen in a blink of an eye, and I should be on guard.
...I have now learned that I am capable of loving, and I give it very selflessly.
but I learned that there's someone I should love more than anything else to give balance and fairness to my life. He is the person who could love me better, aside from Jesus, who understands more than how anyone could.
This year 2011, I should learn to better love MY SELF.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Shifting National Focus
I don't have a say regarding the dreadful outcomes of politics: killings, oppresions, fights for power and influence. I intend not to say anything. It is a vicious cycle, seems inevitable, and no matter how much we contend to fight for fairness, nothing happens.
Media did its part already. But people's ignorance of the meaning of "power" in the society is the root cause. I don't want to say that Filipinos are ignorant. If I do so, it is just like facing the mirror and throwing my own image a glass.
Some Filipinos are not educated of the power of politics, what politics is, what should politics serve the people. The power of it should serve us, to defend us - and not to use it for their personal use, for their security reasons.
Maguindanao, specifically, views politics as a race to be the best. There seems to be a drive that maneuvers them, that infuses them with a different, negative energy to contest with the rest of politicans. They, instead, kill to win.
We then, for me, need to shift our national focus from POLITICS to BUSINESS. May times, I have read in books and internet about the difference of the progressive countries and the less-developed countries in the world and there is one thing that differs them - the what I call, national focus.
In our less-developed country, if we speak about "POWER" and "INFLUENCE", our minds jump into an auto-set image of a politican - could be a presedent, a congressman, or a mayor. But that shouldn't be the mentality.
If only we live in a country where we value business and thinks of businessmen as powerful, or even more powerful than politicians, the image of reality might somehow change.
The time we shift the national focus, we drag the importance of politcians a little lower. We still value them, but there will be another set of people to look up to, people whom we value and consider "INFLUENCIAL" and "POWERFUL" - these are people who does not eat the national budget, rather contributes to the economy's stability.
We should shift a little from norms. By changing our mentality, we might somehow make it.
Media did its part already. But people's ignorance of the meaning of "power" in the society is the root cause. I don't want to say that Filipinos are ignorant. If I do so, it is just like facing the mirror and throwing my own image a glass.
Some Filipinos are not educated of the power of politics, what politics is, what should politics serve the people. The power of it should serve us, to defend us - and not to use it for their personal use, for their security reasons.
Maguindanao, specifically, views politics as a race to be the best. There seems to be a drive that maneuvers them, that infuses them with a different, negative energy to contest with the rest of politicans. They, instead, kill to win.
We then, for me, need to shift our national focus from POLITICS to BUSINESS. May times, I have read in books and internet about the difference of the progressive countries and the less-developed countries in the world and there is one thing that differs them - the what I call, national focus.
In our less-developed country, if we speak about "POWER" and "INFLUENCE", our minds jump into an auto-set image of a politican - could be a presedent, a congressman, or a mayor. But that shouldn't be the mentality.
If only we live in a country where we value business and thinks of businessmen as powerful, or even more powerful than politicians, the image of reality might somehow change.
The time we shift the national focus, we drag the importance of politcians a little lower. We still value them, but there will be another set of people to look up to, people whom we value and consider "INFLUENCIAL" and "POWERFUL" - these are people who does not eat the national budget, rather contributes to the economy's stability.
We should shift a little from norms. By changing our mentality, we might somehow make it.
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Today, the World is in my head.
I am writing this blog in the wee hours of the morning, exactly 1:10 am (as I start typing). Boarding house at Villa Mariano - exact place. A 1.5 liter coke, and plastics from eaten burger around my table, some small plastic cups we have shared with my sister who is at this exact moment, snoozing her butt.
Television switched to channel 2, and just turned all blue after the closing anthem about 1 minute ago. All I can hear is the sound of two small ceiling fans connected from ceiling, making a sound. Rolling, spinning. One above my bed, the other, on my sister's.
The rain just stopped pouring down, and I have exhausted all sites. Eyes' a bit tired.
At the moment, while thinking of words to fill here, the television suddenly turned off. It was probably switched to sleep mode. I heard the smooth but annoying sound of a cat near the jealousy. My sister is still completely dozed off and buried to her bed.
I'm a bit hungry but I feel drowsier than hungry.
I am thinking now. How and what is the other side of the world doing? It's 1:23 PM in Eastern Standard Time. The streets are probably busy and people are hurriedly walking. The huge buildings there might be full and busy. Many people at the moment might be enjoying Disneyland. Some might be feeling starved. They might be walking to look for good food.
They are probably thinking about someone. Something. Some problems. Some events. Some people. Some memories.
Some of them must be heartbroken. They are probably thinking of dying. Some are wasted, they have consumed more than enough to feel numbed. They must be calling their friends. Some might be relaxing, and thinking exactly what I think. They must be thinking about me, but does not know exactly who I am.
There must be some people running somewhere in this world. They must be running for their lives. Someone in this large world must be, right now, writing a blog similar to this one. Some people, at this very time the clock ticks, are dying... or must have died. Some people must be in grief because of loss. How sad. How many of them are grieving? How many of them are at fear?
But there must be newly-born babies - they just came out!
Some of them must do something very important right now, and must have forgotten something.
There must be someone thinking about me. How many are they? It must be Zero.
Some of them must be building relationships. They must be making love.
But how many people exactly are making love at the moment?
But how many people pray?
How many people are dying to look for food?
How does the world look exactly from outer space?
There must be an Earth somewhere. There must be another person like me there. He must be writing a blog in his world too! He must also be inspired. But he might not be sleepy. We have a different planetary system.
How small am I compared with the world?
But what is God doing right now?
He must be busy looking after the people. But how can he manage that? No. He's just powerful.
How many hairs do I exactly have now?
And.. when will... I die?
I can't help but think. Today, the world is in my head.
Television switched to channel 2, and just turned all blue after the closing anthem about 1 minute ago. All I can hear is the sound of two small ceiling fans connected from ceiling, making a sound. Rolling, spinning. One above my bed, the other, on my sister's.
The rain just stopped pouring down, and I have exhausted all sites. Eyes' a bit tired.
At the moment, while thinking of words to fill here, the television suddenly turned off. It was probably switched to sleep mode. I heard the smooth but annoying sound of a cat near the jealousy. My sister is still completely dozed off and buried to her bed.
I'm a bit hungry but I feel drowsier than hungry.
I am thinking now. How and what is the other side of the world doing? It's 1:23 PM in Eastern Standard Time. The streets are probably busy and people are hurriedly walking. The huge buildings there might be full and busy. Many people at the moment might be enjoying Disneyland. Some might be feeling starved. They might be walking to look for good food.They are probably thinking about someone. Something. Some problems. Some events. Some people. Some memories.
Some of them must be heartbroken. They are probably thinking of dying. Some are wasted, they have consumed more than enough to feel numbed. They must be calling their friends. Some might be relaxing, and thinking exactly what I think. They must be thinking about me, but does not know exactly who I am.
There must be some people running somewhere in this world. They must be running for their lives. Someone in this large world must be, right now, writing a blog similar to this one. Some people, at this very time the clock ticks, are dying... or must have died. Some people must be in grief because of loss. How sad. How many of them are grieving? How many of them are at fear?
But there must be newly-born babies - they just came out!
Some of them must do something very important right now, and must have forgotten something.
There must be someone thinking about me. How many are they? It must be Zero.
Some of them must be building relationships. They must be making love.
But how many people exactly are making love at the moment?
But how many people pray?
How many people are dying to look for food?
How does the world look exactly from outer space?
There must be an Earth somewhere. There must be another person like me there. He must be writing a blog in his world too! He must also be inspired. But he might not be sleepy. We have a different planetary system.
How small am I compared with the world?
But what is God doing right now?
He must be busy looking after the people. But how can he manage that? No. He's just powerful.
How many hairs do I exactly have now?
And.. when will... I die?
I can't help but think. Today, the world is in my head.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
A Macroblog of the "Haven't Written"
I realized (just now) how situations balloon in just a month or two. They happen as they happen and sometimes, you miss writing them to at least save a memory. You sometimes think - I should have blogged this out! Why haven't I?
Thus, a Macroblog. =)
There are too many things that left their remembrance along the road, in the tip of your coffee table and you have somehow let them pass. I myself have let them vanish as the new page flip the next day. I sometimes wish everyday has its automatic record-tracker: it happens, it writes itself down. So here in the Avenue, I'd write down three blogs in a nutshell: The birthday in Sickbed, The Tragedy of the Year, and The Call Center Life.
FIRST CUP: My 21st Birthday (The Birthday in Sick Bed) - Ooops! I seemed to have missed a big portion in this Avenue. I should have said even just a small phrase that contain my hopes and dreams for my 21st year ahead. But wait, should I have second thoughts?
Many people often think their birthday is not worth telling. They simply believe spilling out your birthday, worst, birthyear, is like jumping in a pond of mud - you let yourself become a laughing object of the day!
But as for me, there's nothing as nice as someone telling you their hopes for your birthday - even when you've grown really old. Nothing to hide. I'm 21. All I have been wanting though, was to reach this age, and become a fully grown professional - and that is peeling itself to reality!
On my 21st year, I have told myself: You-are-so-freakin'-good! Be bad sometimes. =)
SECOND CUP: The Tragedy of the Year - Though this phrase may sound like an award for emmy's, this is nothing entertaining or feel-good to the ears. It was the worst day I have, I was emotionally disturbed, and almost fell my bed when I was seeing the tragedy fall from my very eyes on television.
Thus, a Macroblog. =)
There are too many things that left their remembrance along the road, in the tip of your coffee table and you have somehow let them pass. I myself have let them vanish as the new page flip the next day. I sometimes wish everyday has its automatic record-tracker: it happens, it writes itself down. So here in the Avenue, I'd write down three blogs in a nutshell: The birthday in Sickbed, The Tragedy of the Year, and The Call Center Life.
FIRST CUP: My 21st Birthday (The Birthday in Sick Bed) - Ooops! I seemed to have missed a big portion in this Avenue. I should have said even just a small phrase that contain my hopes and dreams for my 21st year ahead. But wait, should I have second thoughts?
Many people often think their birthday is not worth telling. They simply believe spilling out your birthday, worst, birthyear, is like jumping in a pond of mud - you let yourself become a laughing object of the day!
But as for me, there's nothing as nice as someone telling you their hopes for your birthday - even when you've grown really old. Nothing to hide. I'm 21. All I have been wanting though, was to reach this age, and become a fully grown professional - and that is peeling itself to reality!
On my 21st year, I have told myself: You-are-so-freakin'-good! Be bad sometimes. =)
SECOND CUP: The Tragedy of the Year - Though this phrase may sound like an award for emmy's, this is nothing entertaining or feel-good to the ears. It was the worst day I have, I was emotionally disturbed, and almost fell my bed when I was seeing the tragedy fall from my very eyes on television.
There have been too many writings on the net (and too many videos, in fact) about the hostage crisis in manila, but there are only two strong points I can say: First, these things happen. And this one that has just happened makes the Philippines a no-exemption. Just like other countries in the world, we unfortunately have an evil everywhere, manipulating people in the most tragic way they can.
Next, these are things we should only learn from. But that case will not spring up as learning if there is nobody owning the responsibility of the aftermath. Someone should raise a hand and acknowledge a sin, and not constantly pinpoint people to avoid criticism.
Amid all these, I fervently pray that the Lord guide us through in preventing all these from happening.
THIRD CUP: So This is What They Call "Call Center Life" - I have long been planning of a major major macroblog for this, but time just won't allow me to draft. For the sake of this, I can finally say that I have fully embraced call center life - the life I have never dreamed of in college days.
I had too many negative impressions of a call center when I was 19 years old. I came to the point of thinking that applying for a call center means narrowing my life span to only 10 years. The world has created mental meatballs of the words "call center" as a job of stress, emotional pain, technicalities, sleepless nights, insomnia, worst, AIDS!
But call center is not as bad as I thought. I may have only experienced a month of taking calls, I could conclude that the agent - himself - will create his own description of a call center.
But nothing is as fun as this job - and that tells everybody that I am enjoying every step of the way. I may not stay in a call center as trainer/supervisor for 5 to 10 years, but this one is the job I would constantly owe my life with. I have truly learned!
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