In Retrospect

You won't believe where I am at this point of time.

It's new year,12:30 (Philippine Time) exactly, the first day of the year. Just awhile ago, I was alone, outside of this building where I am looking at fireworks display left and right. I don't basically know where to go. My phone is off, and battery is empty (I'm afraid this means bad luck for 2011).

Been texting special people before the battery finally died down, but no one replied except one - my mother greeting me a happy new year. Just there, I remember my homeplace, in Tanjay, where at this moment, I know, they are greeting each other a happy new year and feasting with good food served on our table.

I should be there, I told myself. I should be sitting down our car at home, blowing the horn and making noise just like what I usually do; I should hear the sound of the chapel bell, just a walk away from our house, and see my father preparing grains of rice, fresh water, and coins placed outside our house (a traditional, old way of starting the new year).

But life has changed this year. I may not be able to do the same usual things I do 365 days ago. I should only celebrate Christmas and New year in my workplace. Now, I am treading on a different path. God has givne me enormous successes and learning - even if I never asked for it.

Just last year...

...I was in celebration of love and life. I was head-over-heels. Yet being too much into it, I became dumb. Just later after that, I was in pain of knowing a very special person in my heart cheated on me; and there were too many rocks and stones I have surpassed, rocky hills and slippery curves I have maneuvered with. I have released all my pain through tears, as I remember, and forgiveness was what I have only given. I decided to live happily.

...I was going to school and studying my lessons with the hope of getting good grades. I was still walking in the pathways of the university with my books and photocopies at hand.

...I was saddened with the fact that I could not graduate. I planned to work and attempt to juggle work and school at the same time. Just months after that, I applied to the call center and got accepted. Took calls for a couple of weeks and POOF! became a technical trainer after an interview and assessment... quite a long jump.

...I finally embraced the world of employment, and took a 360-degree turn from being an active and exposed student reporter/journalist (slash) host, into a call center trainer. I have learned this year through the position the value of responsibility and comprehending even more to meet what is expected of you.

...I was proving myself I can do it, and I was given another position. It was a step higher than the previous one and it was given to me only after very few months of working. I became obliged to be the subject-matter expert - a specialty skills trainer.

...I have proven that I can sing (well, well) and made it to the finals of the center's singing competition - our local, duplicate version of the applauded American Idol. I weathered elimination rounds and I finally grabbed the chance to sing in front of a sea of people, and ended up 4th place.

... got hatched and hastened forcibly to meet my objectives, and realized that there are people who are not easy to satisfy. Instead, they pull you down, they discriminate you - and sadly, they are just around the corners of my workplace.

...I learned that there are to many things to learn and ponder on. There is a limitless possibility for me, and all I can do is to grab it!

...Love is unexpected. Unexpected turns can happen in a blink of an eye, and I should be on guard.

...I have now learned that I am capable of loving, and I give it very selflessly.

but I learned that there's someone I should love more than anything else to give balance and fairness to my life. He is the person who could love me better, aside from Jesus, who understands more than how anyone could.


This year 2011, I should learn to better love MY SELF.

Shifting National Focus

I don't have a say regarding the dreadful outcomes of politics: killings, oppresions, fights for power and influence. I intend not to say anything. It is a vicious cycle, seems inevitable, and no matter how much we contend to fight for fairness, nothing happens.

Media did its part already. But people's ignorance of the meaning of "power" in the society is the root cause. I don't want to say that Filipinos are ignorant. If I do so, it is just like facing the mirror and throwing my own image a glass.

Some Filipinos are not educated of the power of politics, what politics is, what should politics serve the people. The power of it should serve us, to defend us - and not to use it for their personal use, for their security reasons.

Maguindanao, specifically, views politics as a race to be the best. There seems to be a drive that maneuvers them, that infuses them with a different, negative energy to contest with the rest of politicans. They, instead, kill to win.

We then, for me, need to shift our national focus from POLITICS to BUSINESS. May times, I have read in books and internet about the difference of the progressive countries and the less-developed countries in the world and there is one thing that differs them - the what I call, national focus.

In our less-developed country, if we speak about "POWER" and "INFLUENCE", our minds jump into an auto-set image of a politican - could be a presedent, a congressman, or a mayor. But that shouldn't be the mentality.

If only we live in a country where we value business and thinks of businessmen as powerful, or even more powerful than politicians, the image of reality might somehow change.

The time we shift the national focus, we drag the importance of politcians a little lower. We still value them, but there will be another set of people to look up to, people whom we value and consider "INFLUENCIAL" and "POWERFUL" - these are people who does not eat the national budget, rather contributes to the economy's stability.

We should shift a little from norms. By changing our mentality, we might somehow make it.

Today, the World is in my head.

I am writing this blog in the wee hours of the morning, exactly 1:10 am (as I start typing). Boarding house at Villa Mariano - exact place. A 1.5 liter coke, and plastics from eaten burger around my table, some small plastic cups we have shared with my sister who is at this exact moment, snoozing her butt.

Television switched to channel 2, and just turned all blue after the closing anthem about 1 minute ago. All I can hear is the sound of two small ceiling fans connected from ceiling, making a sound. Rolling, spinning. One above my bed, the other, on my sister's.

The rain just stopped pouring down, and I have exhausted all sites. Eyes' a bit tired.

At the moment, while thinking of words to fill here, the television suddenly turned off. It was probably switched to sleep mode. I heard the smooth but annoying sound of a cat near the jealousy. My sister is still completely dozed off and buried to her bed.

I'm a bit hungry but I feel drowsier than hungry.


I am thinking now. How and what is the other side of the world doing? It's 1:23 PM in Eastern Standard Time. The streets are probably busy and people are hurriedly walking. The huge buildings there might be full and busy. Many people at the moment might be enjoying Disneyland. Some might be feeling starved. They might be walking to look for good food.

They are probably thinking about someone. Something. Some problems. Some events. Some people. Some memories.

Some of them must be heartbroken. They are probably thinking of dying. Some are wasted, they have consumed more than enough to feel numbed. They must be calling their friends. Some might be relaxing, and thinking exactly what I think. They must be thinking about me, but does not know exactly who I am.


There must be some people running somewhere in this world. They must be running for their lives. Someone in this large world must be, right now, writing a blog similar to this one. Some people, at this very time the clock ticks, are dying... or must have died. Some people must be in grief because of loss. How sad. How many of them are grieving? How many of them are at fear?

But there must be newly-born babies - they just came out!

Some of them must do something very important right now, and must have forgotten something.
There must be someone thinking about me. How many are they? It must be Zero.

Some of them must be building relationships. They must be making love.

But how many people exactly are making love at the moment?

But how many people pray?

How many people are dying to look for food?

How does the world look exactly from outer space?

There must be an Earth somewhere. There must be another person like me there. He must be writing a blog in his world too! He must also be inspired. But he might not be sleepy. We have a different planetary system.

How small am I compared with the world?

But what is God doing right now?

He must be busy looking after the people. But how can he manage that? No. He's just powerful.

How many hairs do I exactly have now?

And.. when will... I die?

I can't help but think. Today, the world is in my head.

A Macroblog of the "Haven't Written"

I realized (just now) how situations balloon in just a month or two. They happen as they happen and sometimes, you miss writing them to at least save a memory. You sometimes think - I should have blogged this out! Why haven't I?

Thus, a Macroblog. =)

There are too many things that left their remembrance along the road, in the tip of your coffee table and you have somehow let them pass. I myself have let them vanish as the new page flip the next day. I sometimes wish everyday has its automatic record-tracker: it happens, it writes itself down. So here in the Avenue, I'd write down three blogs in a nutshell: The birthday in Sickbed, The Tragedy of the Year, and The Call Center Life.

FIRST CUP: My 21st Birthday (The Birthday in Sick Bed) - Ooops! I seemed to have missed a big portion in this Avenue. I should have said even just a small phrase that contain my hopes and dreams for my 21st year ahead. But wait, should I have second thoughts?

Many people often think their birthday is not worth telling. They simply believe spilling out your birthday, worst, birthyear, is like jumping in a pond of mud - you let yourself become a laughing object of the day!

But as for me, there's nothing as nice as someone telling you their hopes for your birthday - even when you've grown really old. Nothing to hide. I'm 21. All I have been wanting though, was to reach this age, and become a fully grown professional - and that is peeling itself to reality!

On my 21st year, I have told myself: You-are-so-freakin'-good! Be bad sometimes. =)

SECOND CUP: The Tragedy of the Year - Though this phrase may sound like an award for emmy's, this is nothing entertaining or feel-good to the ears. It was the worst day I have, I was emotionally disturbed, and almost fell my bed when I was seeing the tragedy fall from my very eyes on television.

There have been too many writings on the net (and too many videos, in fact) about the hostage crisis in manila, but there are only two strong points I can say: First, these things happen. And this one that has just happened makes the Philippines a no-exemption. Just like other countries in the world, we unfortunately have an evil everywhere, manipulating people in the most tragic way they can.

Next, these are things we should only learn from. But that case will not spring up as learning if there is nobody owning the responsibility of the aftermath. Someone should raise a hand and acknowledge a sin, and not constantly pinpoint people to avoid criticism.

Amid all these, I fervently pray that the Lord guide us through in preventing all these from happening.

THIRD CUP: So This is What They Call "Call Center Life" - I have long been planning of a major major macroblog for this, but time just won't allow me to draft. For the sake of this, I can finally say that I have fully embraced call center life - the life I have never dreamed of in college days.

I had too many negative impressions of a call center when I was 19 years old. I came to the point of thinking that applying for a call center means narrowing my life span to only 10 years. The world has created mental meatballs of the words "call center" as a job of stress, emotional pain, technicalities, sleepless nights, insomnia, worst, AIDS!


But call center is not as bad as I thought. I may have only experienced a month of taking calls, I could conclude that the agent - himself - will create his own description of a call center.

But nothing is as fun as this job - and that tells everybody that I am enjoying every step of the way. I may not stay in a call center as trainer/supervisor for 5 to 10 years, but this one is the job I would constantly owe my life with. I have truly learned!

The Major (major) Mistake

Venus Raj's question created Ms. Philippines' major mistake in life after failing to answer a question in front of a million entertained audience, hopeful Filipinos. But any excuse could be considered - US President Bush had not even answered that question... But now that the pageant's fever took a lower level, Raj's question is not addressed to her alone. We now think over our previous experiences and we answer them as if we were on her shoes.

What was our great mistake?

My mistakes in life were countless. Most of which were minor and irrelevant. One was when I posted a picture on a website and realized there was no way to delete it. I hosted a pageant and I was too late, I was jittery, and was not able to handle the crowd well. I learned from it and did my best to correct them after the next possible opportunity.

As I write this one, I also remembered I failed to graduate at the time expected because of a mistake. I failed to give much attention to matters that could affect my life greatly, rather sought for happiness from other people.

But if asked about what my gravest mistake was, there is only one thing I could recall. That was when I invested my time to the wrong people and to the wrong time.

There are too many mistakes to mention. The truth is: though we commit mistakes, nobody in this earth would ever collect a timepiece of mistakes! It is not that we do not want to answer such a question for reasons that we never admit mistakes.

Truth is, humans have the nature to never think of previous mistakes.

We live in everyday to correct previous mistakes and burn them in our thoughts one at a time. We strive not to commit mistakes but to look forward. We all are given the chance, in everyday, to correct previous mistakes since time immemorial.

We might just be doomed to this.

You should brace yourself now. Your mind should have been conditioned with possibilities now: You'll wake up one day and see yourself handing this 500-bill to the nearest kahera.. Question is.. are you ready to face that day?

You might presume I am against any Aquino after having supported a non-winnable candidate the previous election. Friends think I will eventually become an antagonist to a government all these years... and most especially that I am not for the yellow candidate since Month 1, week 1, day 1.

But tell you, I am not. Honestly, I have figured out the positive side of Noynoy... but wait, it did not come out naturally. I JUST TRIED.

There is no choice after all, and there is definitely no chance and hope with still trying to push reality to imagery and fight for a non-winnable candidate until now. To make it simple, we should - despite negative feelings - succumb to one strong and hopeful government.

I, afterall, see the vivifying sincerity and passion from the present president. This line, after all the rage and madness in the elections is all I can say: This blog is too late (I saw this saved on drafts) and I just our country could wake up from the reality that we have been left way too far now. And there needs action.

I am antagonist college guy no more. Not until this present government shakes my patience like it always did before.
We are all doomed to this. We are doomed to succumb to the present government, we are doomed to follow what the majority thinks is right. In the end of roads, we hope.

I'm half full, half empty.

I never thought that life would change as quickly as this. It were like days passed, and i was scanning photocopies with the hope to pass my final exams. It were only like days passed, when we were so happy and everything feels fine. It was a free life - i log in my facebook account and feel really light about everything going on with my life.

Now, you can see me with a casual attire, with a facade of a professional. You will see me going inside the office of a call center, with a greater confidence of myself. And in the wee hours of the morning, you will see me buried in the bedsheets... snoring.

This MAY be the life i want to live with - being instantly promoted three levels upward only after 3 weeks of training, being the youngest of a group of technical trainers, and will soon train future call center agents even with only 2 weeks of call center experience. This road has caused my family utmost happiness for this will soon be of big help to them.


But i don't understand why this random acts of fate has caused my life to be half full, half empty.

With the success I am experiencing at work, certain issues have been constantly striking me. It's pulling me down... and i feel demotivated everytime. I don't know if this should be the pain that is the cost of the good status i have at work. Or maybe, life really has to be pulled down when you're pushed up.

I don't know why when everything seems to work between us, things go spiral and eventually sink instantly just because of a small issue that has suddenly turned big. And because of this, i am in deepest despair everyday for an act that was not meant to be, for a forgiveness someone has to accept, and for a trust that has to be re-planted for a cause. Aside from that, i want to treated fairly, and i want to be treated the way i must be treated.

I fear i'm not seeing love anymore. I don't think someone is showing love anymore. I see acts of being mean and rude. Things have changed. I fear i might not be happy anymore. Because surely, as of this time, I am not.

Truly, not everything is constant and permanent. At the end of the day, there's only one way to go - the recesses of the silence of prayer. By then, i wish my glass is full.

Our Business-like Politics

I was doing my errands at home when i was taken aback with my little nieces (while playing the famous Plants versus Zombies in our sala) sang out their hearts with this not-so-impressive song on television: "Si Manny Villar, ang magtatapos nang ating kahirapan."

DAMN. How I've been irritated with the song for a gazillion times! ENOUGH. And i thought that life would be better if televisions automatically get "power off" when the filthy-rich, pro-poor Villar-Ad cues up. =)

But i have to face it: I was amazed at how the song captured Filipinos, most especially children like my nieces. Sadly, for me, it has turned the game of politics into an image that has most likely been taking the shape of business - and its all business.

I even found a picture of him on a seeming campaign material stuff, and yes - it really looks like a product label... and with this, you should agree:


Just as how products rise from a stage of introduction to maturity (that which is known as "the Product Life Cycle) some politicians, such as the latter, came up with a style and tactic like that of business. But is politics all that? Or if politics is all that, are we only choosing a presidential bet based on the pattern of business (that is when the most popular product rises above all else, and win the race in the market).

If there's one thing that needs to be changed in our political system, that is to make everything fair for every politico in terms of displaying themselves to the wide public. I still don't know how this could be possible, but the idea of limiting the airtime of these advertisements down could be of help to the system.

It seems that people (Filipinos, most especially) take too much action when being motivated. And when these financially advantaged politicos use their financial power to motivate people through the use of the powerful boob-tube, Filipinos are led to believe and highly encouraged. And this may lead to something more negative than expected.

Politics may be defined as "selling one's self to achieve a position", but can't we at least draw a line and not make politics a business?

Where has the gentleness gone?

I was scanning the last post i've made here, and realized that i have not blogged for a while. I was in deep slumber for writing anything for the blog... but was awakened with a strong will to really post my say regarding the disturbing hullabaloos around me. Depressingly disturbing.

Even at this very time, i still find it bizarre and hair-raising to think about how tragic the fate were for Jayfel Rayoso and Ann Rosefe Bernadette Neri who were murdered on the first quarter of the year here in Dumaguete.

I was not a close friend of the two anyway. But I remember Jayfel, my schoolmate in Immaculate Heart Academy where i studied for two years in high school. Ann Rose, in the other hand, was Ms. Dumaguete 2008, and was my acquaintance being a judge of several pageants i hosted back then... and i can still remember how she lits excitement to the program when she smiles after being introduced.

Both tragedies were saddening: Jayfel was a 2nd year mass communications student at Silliman University; Ann Rose was a Broadcast Communication student in Foundation University. But the two had also two different stories - and that's another two, long and intriguing stories.

But the two persons' fate should not be were the story centers now that they're gone... not even to the stories of their "faults" that puts the blame to the murdered people for their acts. There should be NO REASON to murder anybody even when they had committed wrong decisions.

Going back, the story should now center on these two areas: First, on how justice was sought and how fast investigations go. Second, how Dumaguete became less gentle nowadays.

The first area can be so much debatable, it can spur a number of issues interrelated to each other, and branches to another and ends up with this: No justice at all. Slow pace of investigation. Then we move to the issues of the government... and so on and blah blah blah. The second can be less debatable - it's a saddening, obvious fact. And it ends up with only one question:

"Where has Dumaguete's gentleness gone?"

Or has it really gone? Does it even still exist?

I'd like to believe Dumaguete still is. But the several murders prove me that this place is not as gentle as i'm hoping it should be. And i just... fret. Many speculate that it might be because of Dumaguete's struggle to be a progressive Visayan City - and that i bet.

There are many positive prerequisites to progress - strong economic system, good governance, massive public works - but we cannot alienate the fact that it also brings forth negative prerequisites. These negative prerequisites are now slowly occurring as i see it - more street children, more garbage, and the aforementioned, CRIMES.

Besides Jayfel's murder, three crimes have occurred in metro Dumaguete - one in Banilad Pensionne House (the murder of an alleged prostitute), one in Sibulan (The Hara Sang FU case), the shot doctor's case, the shot businessman's case, and the tear-jerking news about a 9-year old child raped in Valencia and then later helplessly beheaded.

What has justice done today to these people? Where has the gentleness gone?

These issues may only be birthpains of progress. But if these are birthpains, I'd rather stop progress be born. It isn't progress if it can't spare lives.

"Tingog": A KNN-U! TV Prduction

As promised here in the avenue, here's our collaborative output entitled "Tingog," a documentary mixed with a "man-on-the-street" style Public service announcement video. With me walking in the streets of Cebu City for the production of this output were Beverly Zena Jane Linao, my KNN comrade, and Silliman Univesity's Kapisanan ng Mass Communicators delegates Kathryne Mercado and Hana Pa-a.



"TINGOG" (Voice)
A Kabataan News Network-U! TV Production
Voice-over/Production: Kathryne Mercado
Cameraperson/Production: Joel Aba
Production Assistants/Production: Hana Pa-a, Beverlt Zena Jane Linao
Editor: Karen Seno

This video is centered on the Right of the Child to participation, the contributions of United Nations Children's Rights Convention (UNCRC) in its 20 years of existence since 1989, and whether the UNCRC's contributions, along with government's intervention, has pushed the implementation of UNCRC to higher heights at present.

We are very proud and honored to have been trained and assisted for this video, our adviser for VIDEO group and (ehem) Lifestyle Network Philippines' Executive producer Karen Seno. Bigatin! =) Thanks!

And nakakapagod na editing time and brainstorming time with Lifestyle Network Philippines' Executive Producer Ms. Karen Seno!

The pun side of political exaggeration

When the only way is to exaggerate to gain
popularity or massive votes, there's only one question to ask: