One Down!

There are many things I would have to tell you. But you were hostile to me. I hope that someday, you will realize that every sermon has a purpose and not a "pambikil." No, I never would have wanted to give up. But i was almost there. But you reacted the other way. And that was it.

Thanks. May you find a man with endless patience, with a deaf heart, and an insensitive ear not to hear or feel how painful you say words to a boyfriend - a man too dumb never to leave you after being said with bad words, and an unintelligible guy who doesn't care about the messages he sees in you inbox. And by that time, you will have the partner that you needed.

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Kablaaaag! One Down.

My search for true love only proved one thing: I have always been a failure. And every time i think of this, and how our argues and all those hostilities went, i often dissect my innermost self again and ask what's wrong with me. And there i knew it wasn't me. I handled it well. But then, i was only wrong in choosing the wrong one.

Yes. Another one relationship down... and it was undeniably the most stressful. 2 months and 4 days. I gave up. Cee also gave up. We can't meet at a common end, and our attitudes can't both jive together. We were different, and as we settle differences, another one comes along.

For so many times, i have enforced rules for us to agree and follow to. Yet, there's always a deviant attitude getting out, and I kept on restructuring and restructuring, reassessing and reassessing until it has become redundant. Tiresome. Lonesome like a cup running out of coffee, a river running out of water.

It was hard. With the restructuring and reassessing process, i have found out that I was in deep anguish and pain for Cee to have imposed her own rules and denied what we have agreed together. Small things have become complicated. Long sermons have taken place. Then, I literally lost my voice, and had recurring fever in about 5 days. And THAT was the sign to give up.

Right now, I don't know if i celebrate or grieve. All I know is that i feel light. It's the lightness inside that I have not felt for weeks of argue, pain, and hurting.

After the long struggle, i brought my "self" back, and befriended him again. "You're still young, and the one is yet to come," i said with a smile.