This is the 6th introduction I have created in this particular post. I just don't know how to start and what to write in this page. I have erased too many sentences, dumped too many phrases that if "backspace" could speak, he'd say "Spare me!".
Seems like my writing power has just faded, or if it is ever there still, there might be too many things to write about, and there are too many possible introductions I can use. I am probably just picking for the best intro, but still couldn't find.
Yet here I am, successfully made just the right introduction - the most honest yet unimpressive opening statement of a blog. Something that could not gain impression, but just plain, simple, and true - just me. And this is final.
There might be too many things in my mind now, but only one person still remains at the prime center - the one I truly love. Just broke up with my partner, and just like how this blog went, I don't know where to start. I have constantly erased too many thoughts and worries, and I need to start anew.
While making this blog I don't even know what phrase could end this post to express what i really feel. I don't even know what exactly to say. Should I just say "I'm hurt" when all i feel is even worst?
Should I just say "It's all gonna pass" when I myself knows exactly that it won't be possible?
My life will be exactly like this blog - no fixed beginning, and doomed to a vague end. My life has passed this part of this post, where I never know what to say and do, never know exactly where it leads, and never know if this indeed is worth writing for.
All I know is it seems like my life has passed its summit, and I am riding to a complete fall down. It's going to end very soon, and time has stopped to me who constantly wishes for it to move.
But the question remains, "How could I start?" when at this time, I know I have lost a big slice of my life - the perfect partner who is just right for me. How would you start if you know your heart has been fixated to only one person?
Just like my life, I wanted to draft a perfect lovelife, a perfect introduction whose ending extends to never-ending. I want to start things the right way, and making sure it's right. But i realized now, that just like the introduction of this blog, there is no perfect introduction. A "sweet and savory" intro might not work - the only thing that works is an intro written and drafted with all honesty.
"I do love you," that's how this blog should suppose to start - that, I just realized. That is more honest than saying I'm dumb to start a blog because I'm all out of words to impress readers. But now that you're drifting away, how could I start another introduction? Should I be honest still, that even though people perceive "good" in my facade, that just like the facade of my other blogs, there lies the hidden me - a lonely and miserable man.
At this point in my life, and at this point in my blog, I am unsure If I have I started my life, or am I now facing the end?
February 2011
